Leafs in Wonderland

Steve Dangle
September 30 2012 10:21PM

It's been a long time coming, but it's finally here: The Toronto Maple Leafs are the 2013 Stanley Cup Champions!

The Leafs completed their four-game sweep of the Seattle Oilers in the Stanley Cup Final to take home hockey's ultimate prize. Leafs GM Brian Burke had this to say about finally ending Toronto's drought:

"I owe it all to the internet," Burke said. "I began searching through things like blogs and Twitter and they all had some really great ideas for how to make the team better. I looked at the trade proposals from the fans and trade rumor websites and thought "Gee, those are some swell ideas!' and I just went out, made some moves, and we won. Easy as that."

Here is a look at Toronto's Stanley Cup-winning roster.

Bobby Ryan         Steven Stamkos     Phil Kessel
Rick Nash             Brad Richards        Dustin Brown
Ryan Clowe         John Tavares         David Clarkson
Nazem Kadri       Jordan Staal           Cody Hodgson

Luke Schenn      Jeff Carter
Shea Weber        Dion Phaneuf
Jake Gardiner     Ryan Ellis

Josh Harding
Roberto Luongo

"You've really gotta appreciate all the hard work Burkie put into this team," said Conn Smythe-winning goaltender Josh Harding. "I couldn't believe Minnesota would trade me for just a third round pick. I mean, my potential rating in NHL 12 was pretty sick, and I think I really became the goaltender fans hoped I would be."

"I always knew I would win the Cup in blue and white, I just thought it would be with Tampa Bay, "explained Steven Stamkos, who signed a 27-year offer sheet with the Leafs last summer. "Full credit to Twitter for really putting the pressure on management to get a deal done."

"This team's so sick they've got me playing on the first defensive pairing for shits and gigs!" yelled an already kind of drunk Jeff Carter.

"Thank you Boston!" screamed Phil Kessel while dumping a full cannister of gasoline on a Tyler Seguin jersey. 

Even before Burke's bold offseason transactions, the Leafs made a key leadership decision when they decided to make Luke Schenn captain.

"Well people always said he'd be the future captain of the team," said Leafs head coach Dallas Eakins. "Well we finally decided he was ready to take on that role, and surprisingly Dion was totally cool with giving up the C to him with no fuss whatsoever. What a gem, eh?"

"I'm gonna get the fattest championship ring ever! Get it? Fat?!" laughed a beaming Nazem Kadri while flipping off the media and eating a footlong sub.

This Cup victory did not come without adversity. Down 3-2 with under a minute to play in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Final, Bobby Ryan scored to tie up with just 6.7 seconds left. Then in overtime, Shea Weber blasted the series-winning goal literally through the goalie's chest and in to defeat Quebec City.

The Leafs' victory was also a special moment for Brendan Shannahan, who got to hand out the Stanley Cup for the first time as NHL Commissioner after fan pressure forced the NHL owners to fire Gary Bettman.

"They wrote some pretty scathing stuff," said one NHL owner. "A lot of people signed that online petition thingy so we had to act. I'm very happy for Brendan. So happy in fact that I'm giving everyone on my staff a 300% raise!"

Party it up, Toronto! You earned it!

Be sure to catch our coverage of the NHL draft where the Leafs have the first six picks somehow.

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Steve Dangle has a YouTube channel with over 3 million views and is the co-host of the Steve Dangle Podcast on iTunes and SoundCloud. Steve has also worked for CBC, the NHL Network, Leafs TV, Nike, the KHL, and most of all, the Toronto Zoo. stevedangle.com
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#1 Ken Johnson
October 01 2012, 12:46AM
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The funny thing about this isn't how at the start of the article they swept the Seattle Oilers in the finals to win the cup but at the end of the article they beat Quebec City in game 7 OT to win the cup. Oh no, the funny thing about this article is that the Leafs won the cup at all.

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#2 Sam
October 01 2012, 07:15AM
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@Kevin Read the actual article, it says they played Quebec City in the Eastern Conference Finals and played Seattle in the finals. Don't just go around looking for "mistakes" to correct

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#3 Sam
October 01 2012, 07:16AM
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That should read @Ken not @Kevin

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#4 Zach
October 01 2012, 08:49AM
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Always find a way to make me laugh Steve, love it!

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#5 Huntmix
October 01 2012, 09:50AM
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Haha, 27 year offer sheet? For what $300 million?

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#6 Jered
October 01 2012, 04:37PM
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LOL this is too funny.

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#7 EB
October 02 2012, 08:28PM
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@Ken Johnson

No no no Shea Weber murdered the QC goalie in the ECF and they swept Seattle in the finals. Get your facts straight!

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