2013 GOAT AND STAR SELECTIONING

Wanye
January 18 2013 02:09AM

Have we really been picking Goats and Stars on the Nation for 4 years now? Oh how time passes on the bottom of the NHL ocean floor. Not a lot of light gets down here, every day sorta looks the alike after awhile. But they say that every dog gets his day and 2013 will surely be the year that the Mighty Oil rise up from the depths of the ocean floor and stake their victorious claim of some point between the deep and the light topside.

We aren't asking for all that much Gods of Hockey. Just a return to respectability. Respectability on the way to Dominance. Dominance on the way to showing No Mercy.

Ahem.

As we watch the Oil begin their ascent we will be sure to point out the people steering the sub.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Let 2009 Edition Wanye break it down for you:

Picking a Star – and later a goat – for the season has been a long standing tradition with our crew of pirates. For the duration of the season if your Star does something mad decent – lights the lamp at a key point in a game for instance – you get to bask in the glow of the Star as he is “your guy.” Should your Star go stone cold – or get traded as was the case last year when we picked Erik Cole – you are forced to sit quietly in the corner, speaking only when spoken to as you wait for the regular season to end.

Picking a star is a tricky business that requires a great deal of thinking. Anyone can pick Ales Hemsky and be reasonably assured that they will look quasi intelligent throughout the whole season. But be like our buddy Lee in the 2006 Season who famously picked Fernando Pisani as his playoff Star – and your genius will be praised from the highest tower for years to come.

We have basically the worst luck picking stars. Not only did we pick Cole last year, we also picked Ryan Smyth the year he was traded, Chris Pronger the year he left town due to family reasons and Eric Fichaud so many years back on the hunch “he could make it as a starter in the NHL.” On that note of taking needless risks, we have deliberated the options before us, crushed a few dozen BLs over the weekend, and decided on our Star this year.

Ah 2009 Wanye. You were such a simpleton back then. Didn't know what a Nuge is, had no particular affinity for HC Neftekhimik Nizhnekamsk alumni and thought 14 in an Oilers Jersey vaguely thought had something to do with MacTavish. You poor silly ignorant bastard.

But you do make a fine job of explaining why you need to name Goats and Stars. In both cases you need to have "your guy" its a multi year moral imperative. So please leave both your selections below, or update your Nation Profiles if you feel so inclined. And with your actions you take us one step closer to game time.

2013 STAR

Hmmm. This doesn't seem to take very long to decide. Ever hear of someone by the name of KING BLOODY JORDAN BLOODY EBERLE OF BLEEDING BLOODY VICTORYLAND? THE KID IS A GENIUS WITH THE PUCK, A SUBLIME DISHER, CLUTCH CLUTCH CLUTCH AND HAS SET MANY THE LOIN OF AN EDMONTON WOMAN AFLAME IN HIS REIGN BY THUNDER.

Ahem.

Yeah Jordan Eberle will have to do for our 2013 selection. And every other year until the end of all recorded time after that too if you could mark it down. Coming off a season where he scored 32 goals and added 42 assists the 16th best scorer in the ENTIRE NHL is only looking to improve this season. Another year older and stronger - Eberle has been busy building on his already impressive resume leading the AHL in scoring prior to the lockout mercifully ending.

We predict Eberle will have a season of 35 goals and 40 assists. He may not be able to sustain his eye shattering 99.3% shooting percentage for the entire season as so many have already noted. However with a pile of souped up powerplay time with the return of Whitney and the addition of Schultz - 2013 will see 14 deliver the goods in the lockout shortened season. And he will do a great many other things too this year. Awesome things.

Believe that.

PREVIOUS STARS

2011:Jordan Eberle

2010: Jordan Eberle

2009: Mike Comrie

2008: Erik Cole

2007: Shawn Horcoff

2006: Ryan Smyth

2005: Chris Pronger

Some earlier point: Eric Fichaud

Some even earlier point: Dr. Randy Gregg

GOAT HISTORY

"Well ok," perhaps you are thinking to yourself "I can dimly follow this guys point about publicly naming your favourite Oiler. That makes sense assuming you are a superfan or an 8 year old kid. But why would I want to hate on an Oiler and name him my goat?"

Again why not listen to a voice from the distant past explain the deets. 2010 Wanye what you got to say?

Goat selection evolved a few years back when we had a buddy that would randomly pick an Oiler each game and rag on him mercilessly. “That dang (insert player here.) He is the worst player on the ice. (Insert GM here) should be embarrassed that he picked such a terrible player.”

(Early 2000 bandwagon jumping buddies would hate) on every random player that draws their ire, loving them the very next minute - all in the name of being an "fan." The boys didn't think that it was sporting to cuss each and every Oiler only to shower them with praise on the next play and several half drunken arguments broke out over the span of a couple seasons to drive home the point.

Instead of playing our band wagon jumping friend on waivers, we all concocted the Goat. The Goat is intended to be the cause of all the team’s problems for the entire season. Goal just went in? Damn the Goat to hell. He wasn’t on the ice? Damn his stupid manner in which he sits on the bench.

The first year of two that we picked Grebeshkov to be our Goat was easily the best picking of our storied Goat picking career. Not only was Grebs brutal, but the team was too. We blamed him for most everything most nights and it allowed us to vent all Oilers related anger his way.

On a team that we hope finishes no higher than 30th place this year, picking the Goat is going to be key to maintaining your sanity.

Not nearly as dire this year thankfully. Flames fans may want to take some notes on sanity saving techniques with the season you are staring down this year.

2013 GOAT

This was actually quite a difficult bit of business. We don't think that the name of the game this season will be "try and figure out ways to keep self entertained whilst the Oilers skitter about like baby fawns on a frozen pond." A lot of the really goatworthy players are gone, traded, cut or bottled up and shipped to Anaheim via the AHL and Dallas.

*cough*

No instead this season should be pretty sweet. The Oilers are young and in game shape against dusty old squads of players just waiting for a groin to get pulled*

We thought about Dubnyk but it isn't good sport to cheer against your starting goalie all year. No, we need him to be good. We ground our teeth while thinking about Horcoff collecting 12 billion dollars this season but we have far too much respect for the Captaincy of the Oilers to name him Goat. If you are in a trench and don't like your squad commander too bad. You respect the chain of command.

But last we checked Theo Peckham still remains the property of the Oilers. We can't figure Peckham out. A team that is willing to do anything to have young players fill spots meets a player that has looked like he had turned the corner into bonafide NHL toughian several different times. And yet there is no match?

How have we come to this Peckham?

You need to fight your way back into the lineup. And so far you aren't even close.

GOAT.

PREVIOUS GOATS

2011: Tom Gilbert

2010: Nikolai Khabibulin

2009: Dennis Grebeshkov

2008: Dennis Grebeshkov

2007: Some guy

2005: Some other jerk

Some earlier point: Andrei Kovalenko

Some even earlier point: Jimmy Carson

*Thats what she said

09049f03ecb006ab29372206f2a88f75
Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#51 DaveChamp
January 18 2013, 10:39AM
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Star: Taylor Hall. The warrior and stallion will lead the team goals and be the heart that gets them into the playoffs.

Goat: Eric Belanger. I so wish he would have a bounce back season, but I don't see it, given who he'll be playing with.

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#52 I'm a Scientist!
January 18 2013, 10:43AM
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Star: Gagner. It is his turn to step up. Playing with 2 solid linemates is going to make all the difference in the world. 8 point nights are a thing of the past... 9 point nights are the future! GAGS FOR PREZ!

Goat: The ice surface. With the excitement of the fans building each game, and the warmth in the groins of cougars, MILFS and Wayne radiating throughout their body whenever Eberle or the Nuuuuuge has the puck, the temperature inside Rexall Place will be high and the quality of the ice will be LOW. Bouncing pucks will be the norm.

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#53 BigE91
January 18 2013, 10:44AM
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Star- fewer minutes played is going to do wonders for Shawn Horcoff.

Goat- Petrell- I don't think he'll be able to keep up to this group this year.

DROP THE PUCK!!!!

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#56 Dave "Killer" Carlson
January 18 2013, 10:57AM
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Zipdot wrote:

Star: Ladi Smid Goat: Mark Fistric

This is the year I buy a Smid sweater.

This is also the year that we curse Fistric for taking a spot from Peckham. You'll see. He's that bad.

HUZZAH!

I won't be the only person with a Smid jersey! Props to you!

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#58 Marsha
January 18 2013, 10:58AM
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Star: Hemsky is going to show you what he can do with two healthy arms! And with Yaks on his line, he will dangle and light it up!

Goat: The Whole Defense! While the boys up front will score, the defense will bleed chances against and poof, no playoffs! Or our usual goat: Khabibulin....glug glug glug!

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#59 justDOit
January 18 2013, 10:59AM
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I'm a Scientist! wrote:

Star: Gagner. It is his turn to step up. Playing with 2 solid linemates is going to make all the difference in the world. 8 point nights are a thing of the past... 9 point nights are the future! GAGS FOR PREZ!

Goat: The ice surface. With the excitement of the fans building each game, and the warmth in the groins of cougars, MILFS and Wayne radiating throughout their body whenever Eberle or the Nuuuuuge has the puck, the temperature inside Rexall Place will be high and the quality of the ice will be LOW. Bouncing pucks will be the norm.

We'll have to convince the concessions manager to offer a 'cougar drink special', replete with testosterone shots to cool them cougar's nether regions.

As for Wayne, I believe there is no cure for the heat produced by such a molten 'bro-mance'.

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#61 MVParkerknox
January 18 2013, 10:59AM
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Star: Taylor Hall Goat: Ryan Whitney (personal vendetta) See you at the finish line!

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#63 tileguy
January 18 2013, 11:08AM
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Star; Hemmer, my god he is going to play with a sniper, 80 pts ooops pro rated to 45 this year. Goat, Smitty, diminished role, let the big sulk begin.

Unrealistic star, Eager, protecter of all that is good.

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#64 justDOit
January 18 2013, 11:10AM
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Wanye wrote:

Bro-mance(S) Sir. I have multiple targets I mean players I am cheering heartily for.

Duly noted. However, you are urged to curtail some of the heat generated by said bro-mance(s), for the good of the team. Bring three ice packs to each game, and use one per period as a seat cushion.

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#65 Senator Theo
January 18 2013, 11:10AM
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Star: Justin Schultz will dazzle his way into Calder brilliance.

Goat: Ice Cold Beer guy at Rexall is trying out "Luke Warm Beer" this year. Also, probably Peckham

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#66 mr_nihilism
January 18 2013, 11:12AM
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I'm thinking your obsession with Eberle is bordering on pathological, Wanye.

Star: J Schultz Goat: Khabibulin (if the guy even plays)

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#67 David S
January 18 2013, 11:14AM
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Mark-LW wrote:

Star: Taylor "drive the crossbar with my forehead" Hall

Goat: Corey Potter. I don't think his second half struggles last year were only because of injury.

Epic, EPIC avatar there bud.

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#68 David S
January 18 2013, 11:25AM
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Star: Gagner - because... 8 POINT NIGHT B!TCHES!!! Also, he's starting the season with decent linemates for a change. Sam is my dark horse for 2013. A few months from now we'll be saying "Where did this guy Gagner come from and why haven't I heard of him before now???"

Goat: Eager - because he's a human GA

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#69 freeze
January 18 2013, 11:28AM
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Yahoo!

Star: Ales Hemsky (I was going to pick Hall but that's too easy)

Goat: Ben Eager (I was going to pick Khabby but that's too easy)

I should also note that my goat pick last year (Cam freakin Barker) was absolutely spot on!

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#70 OilerLand
January 18 2013, 11:29AM
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Star: Justin Schultz

Goat: Eager

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#71 Bucknuck
January 18 2013, 11:32AM
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Star: Ales Hemsky

I grit my teeth every time people suggest trading this guy just as he gets healthy. He won't be up against the other teams top defenders every game for the first time in a decade, and that will be so sweet to watch.

Goat: Corey Potter

When Tambellini opened his mouth to put this dud in the lineup before training camp had a chance to weed him out naturally, I knew he was going to suck it up bad this year. What's the worst is that he will stay in the lineup because Tambellini believes in him. Just like Khabibulin. Gag, retch, snort, breathe.

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#73 smiliegirl15
January 18 2013, 11:37AM
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Eberle is my STAR!

Goat is much harder this year. There is no obvious choice. Hordichuk only because I think Gagner will have a better year with a healthy Hemsky and the phenome who is Yakupov.

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#74 tileguy
January 18 2013, 11:37AM
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just lovin it that so many see Hemsky or Gagne as stars, maybe this is the beginning of a small "moster line"?

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#75 H.O.P.E (guess its now, H.E.Y.H)
January 18 2013, 11:41AM
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Im going to really go out on a limb here, cause what fun is it to pick the obvious (Star: Eberle and Goat: ReHabby), so my real picks are:

Star: Hemsky. He will prove his worth in a very healthy season playing all 48 games and averaging a ppg with another talented winger to play with. Being mostly a set up playmaker as he was once brought in for but Oilers always tried to make him a sniper. With Yakupov and company he will amaze us and prove worth of every penny of his new contract.

Goat: Hall. I hate to say it, i really do, but as Hemmer plays well, i see Hall re-injuring himself and playing less then 20 games this regular season. Hemsky most likely takes his wing on the top line and only benefits more from it. Im not happy to declare Hall the potential goat this year, but for some reason, i think it just might happen.

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#76 Puritania
January 18 2013, 11:43AM
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rubbertrout wrote:

Maybe I spoke too soon about Puritania winning the internet. Well played good sir.

Yeah, cableguy wins hands down, that was a beauty goat selection.

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#77 Puritania
January 18 2013, 11:45AM
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K-UGER Industrial Smoothing wrote:

Tom Poti, Tommy Salo, Tom Gilbert. Tom's are all-time goats.

Don't forget Tom Renney!

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Star: too many to choose from but I'll go with Gagner, honorable mention to Hemsky.

Goat: Ryan Smyth

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#79 A-Mc
January 18 2013, 12:00PM
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Star: King Jordan of Eberle. He can do no wrong.

Goat: Tambolina. With Honorable Mention going to Cam Barker. Yes i know Barker is gone, but his stink can still be smelt in the dressing room and on the ice. MAY THESE PLAGUE BRINGERS BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THAT AILS THE OIL! AND OF COURSE, BRING DOWN VANCOUVER TO THE POINT OF NOT EVEN MAKING THE PLAYOFFS!

Prediction: The Oilers steal the 8th Playoff spot from Vancouver, and since the Oilers are technically knocking them out of any playoff hopes, trends dictate that the Mighty Copper and Blue shall Hoist Mr. Stanleys Beer Mug by Seasons End!

GOILERS!!!!!

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#80 master of my domain
January 18 2013, 12:00PM
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star- Teemu. won't even be top 6 in points, but the much needed physicality and the net presence on the pp will open up tons of space for the chosen ones.

goat- Eager. too many stupid penalties will cost us games.

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#81 David S
January 18 2013, 12:13PM
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Anybody else suddenly reminded of how awesome Wanye's articles are when he fires up the MS Paint?

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#82 Muji
January 18 2013, 12:22PM
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My Star: Nail "N64" Yakupov!
My Goat: Ryan Whitney (aww..)

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#83 A-Mc
January 18 2013, 12:24PM
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David S wrote:

Anybody else suddenly reminded of how awesome Wanye's articles are when he fires up the MS Paint?

Paint is high end bro. truth.

=D

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#84 andrewmk20
January 18 2013, 12:33PM
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I thought that Peckham had started taking better care of himself. He did an interview with Nation Radio last summer about eating better and yet comes in at 246lbs. That's a lot of weight gain and he was already a little overweight at 230+ lbs last year. Has anyone seen him on the ice? Is he like Dustin B for the Jets in terms of pudginess? Definitely agree with the goat label. For Star it's tough but Eberle has continued to steamroll in the AHL so that's the safest pick.

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#85 t
January 18 2013, 12:36PM
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I want to know why peeps here have no comment on makin Smitty my goat. In fact we have hardly seen his name in print in the last 222 days or so. Is everybody just being respectful for a fallen oiler star?

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#86 Sanaa Montana
January 18 2013, 01:00PM
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Star: B.EAGER

Goat: S.HORCOFF

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#87 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
January 18 2013, 01:05PM
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Puritania wrote:

Yeah, cableguy wins hands down, that was a beauty goat selection.

apparently i need to consider pulling a Costanza and go out on a high note.

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#88 misfit
January 18 2013, 01:09PM
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Not necessarily my choices, but I almost guarantee this is how it will be reflected on this blog and most message boards:

The goat will be Gagner.

- People are going to blame nearly every failure this team encounters on not having enough size in the top 6 and 4 of those players are the newest shiniest toys we've got. That means Gagner will take all the heat whenever people feel we need to be bigger up front.

The Star will be Nugent-Hopkins.

- What is there to say, really? The Oilers went a very long time with a bug "?" in the #1C position, and he makes the powerplay sing.

I was going to go with Eberle, who will be his usual terrific self, but his season will no doubt be spoiled by obnoxious posters talking about whether or not he sustained his incredible sh% from the last couple of seasons.

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#89 Mark-LW
January 18 2013, 01:12PM
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David S wrote:

Epic, EPIC avatar there bud.

*tips hat*

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#90 GrillBoss
January 18 2013, 01:19PM
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There will be several stars on this team but my pick is J. Schultz. Calder winner is my prediction.

Goat will likely be Habby the sieve.

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#91 Kaiser Wilhelm
January 18 2013, 01:30PM
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STAR: I'm going with the Nuge. If he can get some 5x5 scoring to go with the PP time, he's going supernova.

GOAT: Tamby. We need someone to blame, and I think the roster is too good to hate on right now. Plus, I'm excited to see Kruger coach

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#92 nofool6110
January 18 2013, 01:36PM
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STAR: Ebs. GOAT: CoreyPowerPotterPlay.

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#93 druds
January 18 2013, 01:39PM
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Star: J Shultz

Goat: Potterrrrr (said in the voice of Professor Snape)

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#94 The Beaker
January 18 2013, 01:41PM
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I'm Late to the party but:

Star: RNH GOAT: Belanger still Honourable GOAT mentions: Eager, Potter

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#95 justin.ouellette1808@gmail.com
January 18 2013, 01:47PM
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My star: Yakupov. My goat: Potter

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#96 PrimeBane
January 18 2013, 01:49PM
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Star: Hall... this is his year

Goat: Katz... as he'll manage to piss us all off with some arena foolery.

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#97 Cowbell_Feva
January 18 2013, 01:51PM
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Star: Hemsky- finally 100% and doesn't have to play with Horcoff (and thereby forfeit 8-10 pts per season). Should light-it-up with actual skill on his line and 2nd tier defensive groups playing against him.

Goat:Horcoff- Mr.Turnover and sub 50% on the dot gets the nod for the 4th year in a row. Thank the heavens the Oilers will buy him out next year and this will be the last season I have to watch him taint the Oiler logo. *PS- Atomic Bubble...if I had a dollar for everytime I clenched my fists and shouted his name (in a bad way), I would be rich like Oprah*

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#98 Darrell
January 18 2013, 01:59PM
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How about top 5 point producers: 1. Ebs 2. j Shultz 3. Nuge 4. Hall 5. Gags 6. Hemmer 7. Yak

Ok - that's seven but was having fun ...

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#99 Feynman
January 18 2013, 02:13PM
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Star: Yakupov

Goat: Whitney

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#100 Dog Train
January 18 2013, 02:19PM
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Star: Jordan Eberle. Enough said.

Goat: Teddy Peckman. This year will be his end of the road as an Oiler methinks.

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