THOSE DAMNED CANUCKS

For three consecutive rounds we have called for the Canucks to lose their serieses. For three consecutive rounds we have been disappointed. We have now upped the ante and had a buddy in Vegas place a cool $10 beans on every team in the Conference Finals to win save the Canucks. Money talks Nation and our money says "anyone but Vancouver."

HEAVEN HELP US ALL

The most recent rapture may have passed us by with little end-of-days-type-activity but the one sign of the apocalypse we can’t shake is the fact that the Canucks are still cruising along in these here playoffs. Watching the Sedins and Luongo celebrating an overtime series win dang near made our eyes cry tears of battery acid last night.

They are now officially running on all cylinders Chez Canucks. The twins are scoring left and right, Luongo is kicking out the old pads turning away the rubber scoring discs like crazy. Kesler is hating everyone and smashing everything. It is everything we didn’t want to see, happening before our very tear filled eyes.

Oh the injustice of it all. The fairweather fans in Vancouver will now jack the price of tickets straight through the roof. Brand new Canucks jerseys will fly off the shelves at Sport Cheks everywhere and people all around the Country will suddenly remember "they ARE huge Canucks fans and have been all along! Didn’t you know?"

Our stupid brother is living la vida loca out in Vancouver. He called us last night in complete and utter joy. "Seems the Canucks are four away from a Cup win. Care to place a wager on things?" Not only did we take him up on his ill advised bet but we cursed him as only a fan of the Oilers could.

"We will bet you a few clams that the Canucks lose. But for an extra element of difficulty we want odds that you suffer the same fate as have the Oilers and the Flames. Push the series to a seventh game then gas it in the final match. I place a second bet that the Canucks lose in 7 and break all your BC Bud loving hearts."

And so it was written and so it was done. Damn you Canucks. Damn you straight to Game Seven Hell.

SILVER LINING

Nice work in the playoffs Dany Heatley. You dink.

  • Aron S

    @Crooked

    To be fair, the same thing happened here in 06 and in Calgary in 04.

    The problem is, all of those new Flamers hung on to their jerseys, just as I’m sure all of the Canucks fans will too.

  • D'oh-ilers

    I live in Vancouver, it’s pretty funny seeing all of these people who didn’t own a jersey or care about hockey 4 months ago suddenly being the team’s biggest fan. Annoying, but funny.

        • Wax Man Riley

          But… doesn’t that make the Oilers playoff jersey extinct?

          It was killed off by poachers long ago. LA, New York, Pittsburgh were all culprits. As well as evil scavengers known as Pocklington and more recently, the scouting staff of the early 2000’s and KLowe.

          It was believed that the Oilers playoff jersey was making a comeback, in the late ’90s, and mid 2000’s, but those were just false sightings much like those of the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker.

          Local flora and fauna still seem to feed off of the remains of any playoff jersey scattered around, and there is HOPE that the Oilers playoff jersey is just hiding underground, away from natural enemies such as Predators, Coyotes, Ducks, and big Stupid Whales that have nothing to do with being Canadian, or Canuck.

          We hold out hope, little Oilers playoff jersey. Be strong, come back to us.

  • Domebeers said it best here.

    The goalie? Roberto Luongo is Roman Cechmanek; we aren’t supposed to say anything because he is Canadian, but he is.

    Domebeers isn’t too bad for a Flames fan.

    God do I hope they lose.

    A more fitting ending might have been Heatley getting struck by a precision strike of lightning while holding up the Cup or rammed into a stanchion by big Z.

  • I Am The Law

    I lived in Boston last year. I live in Vancouver right now. I hate both teams with a burning passion that borders on sociopathic. This will not end well at all.

    In unrelated news, I am moving to Europe this summer, and have become a soccer fan (it’s not funny because it’s true).

  • Vintage Flame

    Yeah, I have to say that I hope Lucic cranks up his mean streak and just levels Kesler in game 1. The Bruins will be by far the most physical team to play the Nucks, that hopefully doesn’t bode well for them. They are already battered and now we have to hope that the Bruins just beat them like the Canucks owe them money.

  • Oilers4ever

    It pains me to see the Nucks winning when all three times easily could have beaten Vancouver.. I still say had the Blackhawks shown up for any of the first three games we would not be having this conversation…

    What really pisses me off is that the Canucks got their tying goal because of yet again crap-assed officiating in supposedly the best league in the world.. how do four bushleague officials miss that puck hitting Sedin on the clear by Boyle.. it’s not like it was just barely.. the puck clearly changed directions and none of them could see that? A peewee ref could have caught that….

    Dinks indeed…

    Luongo may be playing well.. Thomas is playing better.. and the Bruins will end their series tonight.. I just hope they don’t do something dumb like wait for a week to start the Cup.. seriously.. this playing hockey till June is stupid.. bring it back like the Oilers cups of the 80’s where you are watching the team sip by the May long weekend.. not June 8th…

    Especially when it’s those “so called dinks” playing. 🙂

  • OilDrop89

    Can you imagine living in BC, having a store decked out in OILERS gear, and the Nucks keep winning….The only good thing is, it’s good for business….Because they keep coming in to rub my face in it! I didn’t think it was possible to hate a team this much, but I hate the Nucks, and can’t wait to watch ROLI hoist the cup, and say “this one is for the OILERS FANS”

  • OilDrop89

    Gahhhh Canucks is right, the impending doom of the world is upon us.

    On another note, thanks for writing this article in semi good taste so I don’t have to eat my words on Flamesnation.

    Go Bruins or Team Roli!

  • They peaked early. Take almost a week off between the 3rd and 4th round and all that momentum goes the way of the Rapture.

    It’s for the best because I hear they used all their confetti yesterday when they were celebrating that meaningless victory.