More like a Trade Dudline. #mycolumn:

In a day filled with nationally-aired inappropriate tweets and llamas, the real llame-as were the Toronto Maple Leafs.

What was built up as the beginning of the teardown of the Toronto Maple Leafs, was far from it, as Dave Nonis and co sat around and accomplished basically nothing today.
As a fan, I am mad. As a future member of the mainstream media, I am madder. 
I want an organization that sticks to its word – I pay their salaries and I demand satisfaction. So if they say there is going to be a rebuild, I want it by any means necessary. At this point, I would rather put a literal pylon on the ice than Dion Phaneuf, not that there would be much difference in play.
And Phil Kessel? When people say they’d trade a player for a bag of pucks they mean it sarcastically. I mean it literally. We have to get him away from this team. We can’t be showing Morgan Rielly and William Nylander that it’s okay to be fat – no matter how many goals you score, how bad your centreman is, if you’ve beaten cancer, or if you face the media even if you have social anxiety issues. 
Instead the Leafs traded the kind of guys they should keep; a steady, physical d-man in Korbinian Holzer and good veteran presence in Olli Jokinen. And what did they get in return? A couple draft picks? That is not how you rebuild.

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Now I am fair – I will give credit where credit is do.
The Leafs did make a few smart moves. Keeping Tyler Bozak is important – someone has to teach Nazem Kadri how to win a draw, since he won’t be winning anything else in Toronto. Plus we need to have ONE two-way centreman on the team. Keeping Roman Polak was also a good move. He consistently keeps the team honest by calling them out in the media, which is definitely good for morale and team building. That, my friends, is how you rebuild.
An underrated move was keeping Stephane Robidas, although you can’t give Nonis credit for keeping him around – my source tells me that Toronto tried to trade him, but he literally couldn’t get to the other team. Because he’s old and has two broken legs.
Even with those couple lone bright spots, this was one dud of a day for the Leafs. Big changes were promised, and we didn’t get them.
Now we just wait until June 26th, when the Leafs will disappoint us once again by drafting someone other than Lawson Crouse, forcing me to start calling it the NHL Entry Daft. 

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  • CMpuck

    Leafs set themselves up for a productive deadline moving out pending UFAs and Clarkson then MLSE won’t even give fans a draft pick at the deadline to be excited about for the rest of the year.

    Leafs couldn’t eat half of either Bozak’s or Lupul’s contract and get a 1st?

    Is it a rebuild? Because I still just see a failed team was that was built to make the playoffs. A rebuild suggests an architect with a plan to fix this mess.

    Great Nonis quote, “There is a difference between trying and willing to make trades” keep trying losers…

  • Bester27

    You realize Kadri wins faceoffs at a 5% lower rate than Bozak.

    At that rate statistically had Kadri taken as many faceoffs as Bozak this year he would have won 634 to Bozaks 702 out of 1371 draws.

    It’s not that big of an issue, Kadri could and should improve at least slightly over the next couple years to at least average.

  • Bester27

    I knew it was Tuesday — “Avoid TLN day” — but I came to see if anything more on the trades. I just read the first paragraph — couldn’t stop myself — it is like witnessing a bad accident and slowing down to look at the carnage except every week its a new column of carnage.

    • Bester27

      Do you really still think Bobby writes seriously? All of his articles are sarcasam lol.

      But then again any article compared to Steve Simmonds can be deemed serious

  • MacTwoTimes

    “Instead the Leafs traded the kind of guys they should keep; a steady, physical d-man in Korbinian Holzer and good veteran presence in Olli Jokinen. And what did they get in return? A couple draft picks? That is not how you rebuild.”

    A couple of draft picks is EXACTLY how you rebuild. You wanted to keep Holzer and Jokinen? How did you land this gig? -_-

  • MacTwoTimes

    I was thinking the leafs should of made you gm but you left out the most important thing:

    dion can’t wear The C. gotta strip him of that C and give it to bozak or lupel or maybe bernier (cna goalies wear The C?)

  • MacTwoTimes

    Don’t need to get paid to have integrity / pride in your craft. But your comment is basically the same waste of time. Super funny sarcasm, by the way. Pushing the boundaries.

  • MacTwoTimes

    Do you take inspiration from Steve Dangles hat guy? Everything you write sounds like the sort of thing he would say! Also I don’t find it witty or funny its just ridiculous.

  • Bobby, Bobby, I will personally pay for your admission into my next semester course on mastering sarcasm. The ironic part is the leafs actually planned what you wrote. Namely getting a number of third to sixth picks to be able to proclaim that the leafs go into the draft with a bushel full of picks.

    No matter that the same architects of disaster are whispering into the mindless Nonis about draft selections. You know the same clowns who have given the leafs SOOOO MANY GREAT GEMS IN THE PAST SEVERAL YEARS. Heh clowns I’m not talking first round picks but the later picks. Sorry the leafs never seem to have a second round pick, so the third to 7th picks you know the way Detroit does it.

    Now you want choice meat for sarcasm well Phil the Ex thrill Kessel’s pontification from the sermon gives you more poundage of meat than he has.

    Keep practicing Bobby as the leafs are the ultimate Joke for sarcasm.