The Best Jersey Sponsor for Every NHL Team #MyColumn

mycolumnducks

With ads on jerseys becoming an inevitability, worries about sponsor logos on sacred NHL jerseys is at fever pitch. The thing is, people aren’t thinking about this correctly – proper sponsorships won’t even be noticeable.

Don’t believe me? I thought you might feel that way, so I came up with suggestions for each team for who their sponsor should be and why. I think that after reading this, you’ll see that you were wrong and that sponsorships are good.

Anaheim Ducks

Recommended Sponsor: 1-800-GOT-JUNK

Why: Corey Perry and Ryan Kesler are trash people.

Arizona Coyotes

Recommended Sponsor: General Motors

Why: Who knows more about being bailed out than General Motors?

Boston Bruins

Recommended Sponsor: Barstool Sports

Why: Barstool’s slogan is “By the common man, for the common man”.

Buffalo Sabres

Recommended Sponsor: Hallmark

Why: Buffalo’s fans need to know how sorry Tim Murray is.

Calgary Flames

mycolumnflames

Recommended Sponsor: Rexall

Why: Daryl Katz wants to finally back a winner.

Carolina Hurricanes

mycolumncanes

Recommended Sponsor: Seagate

Why: Carolina is going to be relying on a couple backups this season.

Chicago Blackhawks

Recommended Sponsor: SellOffVacations.com

Why:
With how much the Hawks have had to sell off players, they might
actually be a better sponsor for SellOffVacations.com than vice versa.

Colorado Avalanche

mycolumnavs

Recommended Sponsor: U.S. Army

Why: It will help confuse fans into thinking that they have a defense.

Columbus Blue Jackets

Recommended Sponsor: Mr. Clean Magic Eraser

Why:
One look at their salary cap breakdown for the next few seasons will
have the Jackets turning to who knows best about making things magically disappear. 

Dallas Stars

Recommended Sponsor: Outback Steakhouse

Why: Just imagine Jamie Benn in a commercial for Outback: “It tastes good down under.”

Detroit Red Wings

Recommended Sponsor: PETA

Why: This would be a proactive move by the Wings
to ensure people that they treat those octopuses that are cruelly
thrown on the ice very well.

Edmonton Oilers

 mycolumnoilers

Recommended Sponsor: Lottery Canada

Why:
Edmonton is a team built on luck. Unlike people that win the lottery,
they’ve managed to win it four times. And like a lot of people that win the
lottery, they’ve totally blown it. 

Florida Panthers

Recommended Sponsor: Every Other Sports Team In Florida, Other than the Tampa Bay Lightning

Why: The fans the Panthers have are only interested because every other sports team in Florida is terrible.

Los Angeles Kings

Recommended Sponsor: Bad Boys Bail Bonds

Why:
What they would pay the Kings in sponsorship dollars, they’d make back
from the Kings by just continuing to do what they already do. Works for
both sides.

Minnesota Wild

 mycolumnwild

Recommended Sponsor: Enron

Why: No one else knows more about paying a couple employees hundreds of millions of dollars and having nothing to show for it.

Montreal Canadiens

 mycolumnhabs

Recommended Sponsor: French’s Mustard

Why:
The name creates an obvious connection, plus the Habs are a bunch of
wieners. Sorry, whiners. Also, an added bonus: yellow looks
terrible on their jerseys.

Nashville Predators

Recommended Sponsor: The NRA

Why:
Guns are now allowed at Predators games. The NRA is probably sponsoring
them already – there’s no other way this insanity would happen, is
there?

New Jersey Devils

Recommended Sponsor: Sleep Country Canada

Why: It would give Sleep Country a brand new tagline – Sleeping: more excitement than watching the Devils.

New York Islanders

Recommended Sponsor: Hertz

Why: Like Hertz, the Islanders know that no matter how hard they try, they’ll always be number two in New York.

New York Rangers

Recommended Sponsor: Donald Trump.

Why: America’s team deserves America’s next President.

Philadelphia Flyers

Recommended Sponsor: Duracell

Why: We all know how much fans in Philadelphia love to throw batteries.

Pittsburgh Penguins

Recommended Sponsor: Schneider’s 

Why: If the Penguins don’t get a hot dog sponsor, they’re going to lose money trying to meet Phil’s demands.

Ottawa Senators

 mycolumnSens

Recommended Sponsor: The Toronto Maple Leafs

Why: The Leafs are already responsible for most of the money Melnyk makes.

San Jose Sharks

Recommended Sponsor: Captain Morgan

Why: Finally, San Jose has a real captain.

St Louis Blues

Recommended Sponsor: Fleshlight

Why: The Blues are experts on screwing themselves.

Tampa Bay Lightning

Recommended Sponsor: Rogers and Bell

Why: Might as well get Stamkos used to it for next year.

Toronto Maple Leafs

 mycolumnleafs

Recommended Sponsor: Microsoft Excel

Why: No other team has been built on spreadsheets quite like the Leafs.

Bonus: MLSE and Microsoft are the only multibillion dollar companies that have produced as many failures as they have and stayed multibillion dollar companies.

Vancouver Canucks

 mycolumnnucks

Recommended Sponsor: Instagram

Why:
Canucks fans are all to familiar what it’s like to take a trip down memory lane when
pining over your ex after dumping him/her for a new person who seemed a lot better at first but turned out to be crazy. In fact, they’re probably
doing it right now.

Washington Capitals

Recommended Sponsor: Russia

Why: This would help heal the relationship between America’s capital and Russia. Also, Alex Ovechkin.

Winnipeg Jets

 mycolumnjets

Recommended Sponsor: 7-11.

Why: Because like 7-11, you only go to a Jets game because you’re drunk, stuck, and it’s your last resort. Oh and this

Conclusion

It’s 2015: It’s time for oldtimers to embrace a changing game and accept that jersey sponsorships are going to happen. And as you can see, jersey sponsors are a win-win for the league and fans, but most importantly, the brands.