TLN presents Extreme Couponing: Stamkos Savings

On my latest trip to Metro on Front Street, I noticed they added a new section! Just last week they decided to add an aisle for NHL UFAs! How very convenient.

I went back home and started couponing for my dear life, collecting as many Steven Stamkos coupons as I could. Let’s check them out and see how they work!

HE’S A CENTRE, DAMNIT

SAVE100K

Well would you look at that! This whole time Jon Cooper has been playing Stamkos at wing, and we can save $100K just by playing him at his natural position! Whaddayaknow. Looks like my long night of Extreme Couponing is starting to pay off!

WELCOME (BACK) TO THE 6

SAVE250K

Golly gee! My team is from Toronto! Who would have guessed that being from a town a player was born in makes them more inclined to take a discount?

The answer is everyone would have guessed that. But who cares! $250,000 savings is enough for me to laugh to the bank!

I HURT MYSELF TODAY TO SEE IF I STILL FEEL

SAVE400K

That’s right folks, Stamkos has been spending a lot of time in the trainer’s office getting fixed up. Even some time in the hospital. Clearly this product has been damaged, and as such we should get a discount. 

$400K off for Stamkos’ broken leg and blood clots might be the best coupon I could find!

#STAMCOCK2016

save150k

Who has the Cock? WE HAVE THE COCK! That’s right, we can get ourselves a $150K discount because Mike Babcock is the head coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

I still can’t even believe that. Imagine when Stamkos is the first line center of the Toronto Maple Leafs…

DREAMS COME TRUE

Dreams really do come true thanks to TLN’s Extreme Couponing: Stamkos Savings.

Come back next week when we find some really good deals on avocados!

Many, many thanks to Reddit user /u/BettmanReturns for the amazing photoshop work helping me make this piece happen.

  • Still sounds like $9mm / yr. til he’s 33. It’s worth it, Matthews – Stammer – Kadri down the middle for next 6 years. JVR – Marner – Nylander on the wings with hopefully a few other picks paying off by years 3 and 4, easily a top 16 team with good coaching by then. Need an elite D and goalie though to close out cups in years 5 and 6… then retool for one more two years later.

  • BarelyComments

    Stamkos, a goalie, and a RHD or obviously our top priorities this summer, and lots of people have been talking about potential trades (for that RHD), guys like Trouba, Barrie, Vatanen, Shattenkirk etc…

    Obviously those guys are game changers but we’re also going to have to give up a boat load to get any of them… Had a thought (not really sure if it’s a good one) about Justin Schultz the other day… The dude has been a train reck for the last couple of years in Edm but as far as I can tell he has been quietly impressive in Pit so far, hasn’t scored in the playoffs yet but he’s played in 12 of Pit’s playoff games so far and averaged 2.25 shots/games played…

    In terms of his availability, at 25y he’s obviously still an RFA but with Pit’s cap problems it seems unlikely they’ll have the money to Qualify him (3.9M) let alone sign him… Seems to me if there was interest from other teams it’s likely that he could become a UFA in July…

    Not sure if the risk/reward works out in our favour but thought it was worth a mention given that he’s a 25 year old RHD who used to play with Jake and could potentially be a high reward reclamation project on a 1 or 2 year deal… Certainly a cheaper option if the big name trades don’t work out or we don’t like what they’re asking…

  • BarelyComments

    Always read the fine print. It’s not July 1st, you can talk to them starting the 25th of June, just can sign them till the 1st. Also he could be traded for a 5th rounder for a few days of talking exclusively.

    • Gary Empey

      Crazy, eh? I even heard there was interest from the following teams:

      Anaheim Ducks, Boston Bruins, Buffalo Sabres, Calgary Flames, Carolina Hurricanes, Chicago Blackhawks, Colorado Avalanche, Columbus Blue Jackets, Dallas Stars, Edmonton Oilers, Florida Panthers, Los Angeles Kings, Minnesota Wild, Montreal Canadiens, Nashville Predators, New Jersey Devils, New York Islanders, New York Rangers, Ottawa Senators, Philadelphia Flyers, Phoenix Coyotes, Pittsburgh Penguins, Saint Louis Blues, San Jose Sharks, Tampa Bay Lighting, Vancouver Canucks, Washington Capitals, and Winnipeg Jets.

      • magesticRAGE

        ? Nice.

        If I were home, I’d sign in Buffalo. Murray would promise the moon for him, pay him max money, his favorite car, and do his laundry for 7 years. With Stammer, they would be exiting their rebuild, and start contending. Also, he’s close to home and family, while avoiding the Canadian taxes, while still being showered with praise and adornment from fans (and marketing).
        Lou just won’t give home max money when the blue line and goal needs attention. The way the Leafs are built right now, won’t struggle to score goals, just need to limit goals against.

      • Gary Empey

        According to Darren Dredger- TSN Insider Trading: On Friday.

        Datsyuk has a nice offer to finish his career in the KHL. Datsyuk is willing to work with Detroit if he decides to move home to Russia.

        • BarelyComments

          Doesn’t matter if Datsyuk agrees to work with them or not… If he leaves according to league rules they are saddled with the full cap hit unless they can move it in a trade (good luck)…