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A Critical Analysis of the Best Hockey Tweet of All Time

 

Behold, the Greatest Tweet of All Time.

This gem comes from Mike Chambers, a person that is not only an accredited writer that covers the Avs, but is the Colorado chapter chair of the PWHA (the A stands for “An embarrassing group of people”).

At time of writing this post, the tweet is about an hour old, and already the Twittersphere is ablaze with questions and comments:

How does this guy have a job?

How is what he saying okay?

What’s the best part of his Tweet?

The last question is what I am going to solve right now. We are going to go line by line and figure this out. Together.

Please, come chirp to my face and I’ll show you hockey.

Boy, that escalated quickly. Mikey Chamby (since he can apparently show me hockey, he’s definitely been called this by a house league coach at some point) comes out real hot right out of the gate, going right after bloggers.

I do appreciate the manners (“please”), but I still can’t figure out what “I’ll show you hockey” means, which is kind of what I love about this. If I were to chirp to his face, is he going to show me up by skating really fast? Staring deep into my eyes as he stickhandles? Or will he just turn on a TV, flip to a game, and point at the screen and yell “this his hockey” like he’s in 300?

Not on Twitter. 

Buddy, I hate to break it to you, but right now you are chirping right back. On Twitter. At this point, I really don’t know what Mikey wants from me. I’d expect more clarity from an accredited writer.

Just you and me, in person.

Major tone change. This is getting kinda hot tbh.

You’ll have to sign a release and then we’ll be good.

We started out very aggressively, but now I’m starting to think we’re going to make a hockey-themed porno? Do I have that right?

Need to be legal.

[eyes emoji] yeah okay we’re definitely making a hockey-themed porno.

MMA is legal.

Whatever floats your boat man. It’s 2018, we don’t kink-shame.

Hiding behind the computer stinks, pal.

Okay we’re back to committing ironies left, right, and centre. Can we all just agree that hiding behind the computer actually rules?

And don’t call me pal, buddy.

I’m all about hockey and its code.

Wait, is this what this Tweet is about? Good conclusion, but does not connect to the hockey porn thing at all. Unless the “code” is worked into the plot somehow. I’m all about the plot.

IN CONCLUSION

I’ve decided that I don’t know what part of the Tweet is the best, but I do know that it’s the first time I’ve been okay with there being a 280 character limit. So for that Mikey Chambers, I thank you.

Also, Mikey, if you do want to make a hockey-themed porno, I’m totally in.

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  • Skill2Envy

    Media member makes statement.

    Bobby responds with evidence against said statement.

    Media member gets butt hurt and threatens violence.

    Bobby responds to threat with logic and calmness.

    Anonymous poster tells Bobby to shut up and calls him a coward from his basement for not wanting to physically fight the media member to prove his point….

    Internet trolls

    • lukewarmwater

      Skill seeing you are full of skill, please, please give us mere mortals what the hell this freaking waste of a discussion is about??? Yeah, Yeah I wasted 5 minutes of my life reading this bleep and responses but heh what is new with BOOBY COFFEE.