When Lou Lamoriello joined the New York Islanders, the Leafs began living with more freedoms. Auston Matthews is growing a beard, William Nylander is growing a man-bun, and Travis Dermott shared a picture of himself sporting cornrows and a speedo. To celebrate the beginning of a new era on Leafs social media, I compiled a ranking of my favourite moments where the Leafs chirped each other on Instagram.
The rules here are simple: If a Leafs or Marlies player chirps another player in the organization on Instagram, it’s a candidate for the list. There were lots to choose from, so I picked the ones I thought were the best. (As an aside, Kadri chirped a random stranger on Instagram recently and it was too good to exclude from this post, so I included it as an interlude). I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
10. Auston Matthews is an Instagram Stalker, too.
Some of you might find it weird that I went through the Leafs instagram profiles, so I’ll start off by showing you that Auston Matthews does it too…
Trust me when I tell you that this is the most lighthearted chirp on the list. That’s why it’s at the bottom. NHL players are experts at trash talk, and you’ll soon see how nasty it gets.
9. Mitch Marner the Amex Salesman
When you’re an athlete with a substantial following on social media, companies will pay you to promote their products. If you post too many ads, though, you will suffer the fate of Mitch Marner.
Auston Matthews isn’t impressed, and Connor Carrick is sarcastically playing along. Marner is certainly the easiest Leaf to pick on, to the surprise of nobody.
8. Mitch Marner vs Andrew Nielsen
One time Marner wore pants that were too short, and Andrew Nielsen of the Marlies went in for the kill.
I was a bit disappointed that none of the Leafs noticed that Mitch was promoting something on his Instagram again, but Nielsen’s comment is pretty funny. Nielsen is not a one hit wonder, either. He appeared several times in the comments of Leafs Instagrams, but this was probably his best chirp, in my opinion.
7. Mitch Marner vs Mitch Marner
It’s always funny when a chirp backfires. Here, Marner shares his thoughts on Zach Hyman’s fiancée graduating from Law school, and you can probably guess what happens next:
“Lawyer classes”… kids these days, am I right? Anyways, congrats to Mitch Marner for featuring in three of the first four chirps. Job well done, I guess.
6. A Triple Murder
Make that four out of the first five. Marner, Martin, and Carrick are no strangers to high quality chirps, but I don’t think anything could prepare them for this annihilation by Auston Matthews:
10/10, Auston. I also love that Auston felt bad for being mean and threw in a compliment at the end. He can’t take back the damage he has done, though. RIP to these three. Funeral plans are TBD.
Speaking of death-by-instagram, someone needs to make funeral plans for instagram user thall2413.
Nazem Kadri murdered someone in the comment section of his recent selfie with Dion Phaneuf. pic.twitter.com/XEEkgF90Km
— Ziggy (@Ziggy_14) July 10, 2018
I mentioned on Twitter that I won’t post a picture of what this random guy looks like, but it is safe to say Kadri was not kidding. RIP thall2413.
5. Connor Brown vs Dylan Strome and Mitch Marner
Returning to the theme of cherry-picking old pictures to chirp someone (see #10), Dylan Strome and Mitch Marner teamed up to destroy Connor Brown.
The level of disrespect here is off the charts. Questioning the leadership of your friend is just plain rude. If Strome had said that when they were still kids, young Connor Brown might have cried. (Marner joining in on the fun qualifies this as a Leaf-to-Leaf chirp, by the way).
4. Coconut Water or Mini Eggs? The Travis Dermott Story.
Have you ever had to choose between Coconut Water and Mini Eggs? Travis Dermott has… and, well, what happens next you have to see to believe:
This is what happens when the veterans don’t provide the kids with proper guidance. Rich Clune arrived on the scene too late, and it was so bad that even Mitch Marner was confused. When you’ve lost Mitch, you’ve taken a huge L.
3. D.J. Nazem Kadri
We are all picky about something. Some of us are picky eaters, some of us watch certain movies over and over. And some of us, including Nazem Kadri, only listen to a certain selection of songs.
I applaud Connor Carrick for directly calling out Kadri for the terrible caption. JVR also provides us with great nickname for Kadri, and Marner somehow joins the action too, because of course he does. (Marner has appeared on all but one of the chirps on this list so far, for those of you keeping score). Ultimately, this is a classic case of leaving yourself vulnerable. Keep yer head up, Naz!
2. William Nylander vs Everyone
I felt that Nylander’s infamous robe post was an obvious place to look for chirps, and I wasn’t disappointed. It almost seems as if Nylander was begging to be ridiculed, and a few Leafs took their turns taking jabs at him.
There’s so much going on here. Travis Dermott makes a hilarious self-own, Mitch Marner doesn’t understand why a normal human being would take these pictures, and Kasperi Kapanen is a bit intimidated. I don’t think many people understand Matt Martin’s comment, but it’s the best one of the bunch. Martin basically said Nylander looks like Hugh Hefner. That’s an elite chirp, and it’s definitely worthy of #2 on this list. Bravo, mattymarts17.
1. The Battle of the Sunglasses
Travis Dermott has had a rough experience on Instagram lately. He took an L because of coconut water and mini eggs, and another when he wore a speedo and cornrows. But the worst of them all came earlier this week, when Andreas Johnsson unleashed the best chirp by a Leaf on Instagram:
Ouch. Say what you want about Andreas Johnsson, but he is certainly ready for the NHL. And his chirps are no exception.
I’ll leave you with a very important lesson that I learned while exploring these instagram profiles: Always check the tags. You never know what you may find…
Good one, William. Good one.