When it comes to the very important business of analyzing the similarities between Maple Leafs players and popular music, Shawn Mendes is a great comparable. My very smart and talented colleague, Adam Laskaris (and my boss) wrote a piece explaining these details.
But the people have spoken:
What if each Leaf was an AC/DC song..
— Matt Morris (@jokers_jack) September 18, 2018
Well, one person has spoken. And I’m not a Leafs writer if I’m not here to follow up on every potential story line that even remotely relates to this team.
There are few people in this world that have the requisite unreasonable levels of detail on both the Toronto Maple Leafs and AC/DC, my childhood favourite. Here we go:
Zach Hyman – Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
This one seems the most obvious. Who on the Leafs can you rely on for your dirty work if not Zach Hyman?
Key Lyric: For a fee / I’m happy to be / Your back door man
William Nylander – Who Made Who
It’s so difficult to tell which of Matthews and Nylander are driving play. At times, their on-ice chemistry is so fluid that they’re acting as two appendages of the same brain. Sorting out who made who is a tricky task that Leafs writers will be pondering for a long time, it seems.
Key Lyric: Who made who, who made you? If you made them and they made you Who picked up the “Bill”, and who made who?
Andreas Johnsson – Are You Ready?
After an excellent season last year in the AHL, and a good playoff run with the Leafs, Johnsson seems primed to be launched into a great NHL career. But one can’t jump to conclusions, and the question still must be asked, is he ready?
Key Lyric: Are you ready for a good time Then get ready for the
fourth night line
John Tavares – Moneytalks
Key Lyric: Money talks, B.S. walks
Tavares wasn’t buying any of what Lou Lamiorello and the Islanders were selling. The money and the opportunity talked, and John found that he belonged at home in Toronto.
Auston Matthews – Shoot to Thrill
We know that Auston Matthews has an incredible NHL shot, so this one is almost too obvious.
Key Lyric: I’m gonna pull it, pull it, pull the trigger Shoot to thrill, play to kill
Jake Gardiner – Rock ‘n’ Roll Train
Jake Gardiner’s polarizing play style, and ability to carry the puck up and down the ice like a train, led me to this comparison.
Key Lyric: One hot angel / One cool devil / Your mind on the fantasy / Living on the ecstasy
Ron Hainsey – The Jack
This song is a euphemism about herpes, but that’s not the angle I’m going for hear. It seems to me that the only NHL Award that Ron Hainsey has a chance to win now is… the Jack…. Adams.
Key Lyric: Oh, it was a bad deal, (jack)
Connor Brown – Heatseeker
Never being one who was afraid be in the middle of a scrum, and or driving the puck into the dirty areas, defining Connor as a heatseeker makes an abundance of sense.
Key Lyric: Gotta keep that motor turning / You gotta keep that engine clean / You gotta keep those tires burning
Morgan Rielly – Big Balls
Morgan Rielly is the most offensively gifted player on the Leafs’ back-end, and unquestionably earns his stripes fighting in the trenches by playing defense. To me, this earns the most sexist title of “biggest balls”. Also, I’m sure he, like the protagonist of the song, throws great parties.
Key Lyric: I’ve got big balls / Oh I’ve got big balls / They’re such big balls / And they’re dirty big balls
AH…. Musical genius.
Nikita Zaitsev – Touch Too Much
Nikita Zaitsev is probably the most uncertain player the Leafs have right now, and it’s seems obvious that he touches the puck, and the ice, too much.
Key Lyric: Seems like a touch, a touch too much / Too much for my body, too much for my brain / This damn [defenseman’s] going to drive me insane
Mitch Marner – You Shook Me All Night Long
We all know Mitchy Marns has those sweet dangles, making it super easy for him to shake his opponents.
Key Lyric: [He] was a fast machine / [He] kept [His] motor clean / [He] was the best damn [hockey player] I had ever seen
Josh Leivo – Jailbreak
As it seems like Leivo is finally breaking out of the press box, he’ll have to work for his life to hold the spot he’s seems to be slotted in for on opening night. Playing on the 3rd line with Nazem Kadri should be a great opportunity for him.
Key Lyric: Jury found him guilty / Gave him sixteen years in hell / He said “I ain’t spending my life here / I ain’t livin’ alone
Frederik Andersen – Hard As a Rock
His brick-wall-esque play over the last 2 years has made Freddy a steady part of this Leafs team. He’s been a great teammate and a fierce competitor, and his play has earned him the Chevrolet title of “hard as a rock”.
Key Lyric: The lightnin’ rod, strike it hot / It’s gonna hit you like the Rushmore rock / No nicotine, and no pipe dreams / So low and dirty it’s darn right mean