BREAKING: Leafs Fire GM (of Concessions)

In a continued effort by Brendan Shanahan and Dave Nonis to change the culture of the Toronto Maple Leafs, George Mason – known affectionately simply as GM by his family and close friends – was relieved of his concession-selling duties today.

“We want to thank GM for all of his hard work. The amount of extra cheese he sold on nachos in November 2013 was that of which we hadn’t seen in awhile. Unfortunately since then, he just wasn’t able to sustain his sales on a consistent basis. We needed to make a change”, said Dave Nonis, who seems to be simultaneously heavily involved and not involved at all with the firing.
GM’s firing comes on the heels of a viral social media campaign started by Leafs fans. #FireGM had been trending on Twitter on and off for months, with complaints about him directed to the official MLSE twitter account (@mlse) really picking up in the last few days.
“asked the confections guy if i could get fries to go with my burger. he said no. when i asked why, he took the top bun off of the burger and threw it out. #FireGM @mlse”
“wanted a coke, and the guy at gate 309 gave me a diet coke instead because “coke instantly activates the diabetes” i dont think thats how it works??? @mlse #FireGM”
“went to gate 309 to get some popcorn, and the guy didnt know how to get the popper to work @mlse #FireGM”

The move is unsurprising, but the timing is curious. Concession sales have been consistently inconsistent, leading many to feel like this was a firing that would have been made last offseason. Still, it is an obvious effort to change the culture that surrounds the Toronto Maple Leafs, something Nonis says is crucial.

“We know our fans are disappointed and it is very obvious from the feedback on social media that they are first and foremost disappointed in the food and drink options that we offer. That has to change.”

One of the ways they are doing that is with the hiring of 82 year old Henry Allen, winner of 1967’s Palm D’Food.

“Henry is a winner that brings a lot of experience to our sales staff. He has been around forever and knows exactly what it takes to get our sales back on track.”

The one note of concern about Allen is his severe arthritis, which doesn’t allow him to hand heavy trays of food back to customers. That doesn’t seem to bother Nonis.

“Our team of physicians looked at his medical records before we hired him. We are confident that he will be fine, and that any physical ability he lacks will be made up for with his veteran leadership.”

As for what’s next for the organization and the on-ice product?

“We’ll get to the players soon, but first we have to take some time to evaluate our ticket sales staff.”

Culture change really is afoot.
  • Poluza

    You people are mean. I think this is a wonderful idea of bringing in more new talent for the ever increasing gaggle of management. Why I’ll have you young whipper snappers know that the new master chef is younger than Cliff Fletcher.

    These are tough times, inflation, the sinking Canadian dollar which is sinking faster than the leafs. Rogers and Bell and and and Larry need our help. Start a red tag day, a car wash.

    Now I don’t want anyone coming in here and complaining about Rogers, Larry and the third stooge raising the price of ice cubes.

    Dr. David Suzuki has pointed out there is a shortage of ice cubes thus the price has to naturally go up for next season. Its the law of supply and demand. You know people know the basic premise of when a product becomes better and better their is more demand thus the price goes up.

    Okay the leafs work the opposite way as the product stinks more and more we fools pay more.

  • woofer

    Wayne Gretzky once said the New Jersey Devils “Are aMickey Mouse operation.
    Since that point in time they have won how many Stanley Cups? The leafs are in my view nothing more than an Porky Pig organization. Feeding from a trough that is constantly filled with faithful leaf fans pockets.

  • CMpuck

    Love these millenials that whine when they decide to read an article they didn’t like. ‘I put all that effort into reading it’…

    Like the opinion, the spoiled scapegoating of fire so so and so and put Kadri on the first line cause my blog said so… How about we move some of the stiffs on the ice instead.

  • woofer

    Love! Love! Love! I think this article is better than the time Tim Hortons put cream-cheese on both sides of my bagel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Poluza

    Bobby’s articles remind me of the second half of SNL episodes. There are a few gems, but most feel like they’re poorly written satire pieces intended to fill out the show.