3

The Dark Horse Candidates for Leafs GM

There has been lots of chatter out there in regards to who will be named General Manager for the Toronto Maple Leafs. But do we really know who will be managing this team at the beginning of training camp? Are there any sure things in this world anymore? Can Kyle and Mark finally get along and decide who will leave?

Here is the true list of who will be the next Leafs GM. I’m on the inside with all the knowledge and all of these make perfect sense.

Borje Salming

There has been a shortage of true Leafs legends in the front office, until now. Salming would come in and shape the franchise to be the annual Cup favourite that they rightly deserve. Only the second European to ever take the GM job of a team in the NHL, he will outsmart everyone with his good looks and stylish Bond villain-esque stare. Borje will draft only Scandinavian players, making the Leafs the greatest team on the planet and causing Don Cherry to retire with xenophobic rage – a blessing to all.

James Mirtle

Who else is better for the Leafs GM job than the man that is thinking about the Leafs 24/7? He will intimidate the General Manager of every other team with his height and lankiness, dancing around like the hockey version of Jack Skellington making trades to make the team more interesting. Giving out discount codes for tickets and merchandise like confetti at a Coldplay concert.

Pierre McGuire

The one true Hockey Man. Pierre McGuire is the right candidate that every analyst will fall in love with. He knows the right girth for each player’s stick and will only pick the thiccest of boys to play on his hockey club. His knowledge knows no bounds when it comes to where a player has played before, he knows all their weaknesses and will draft appropriately. Pierre should move from between the benches, to above the benches.

It also means he would not be on any broadcast from now on, so you’re welcome.

Staring into the future, Boyce sees this Leafs team winning multiple Cups with his name on it.

Darryl Boyce

I know I said that Borje Salming should be the Leafs legend to take the GM job, but Darryl Boyce is the darkest of darkhorse ex-Leafs candidates. Finishing up years in Finland and Germany, Boyce is a well-traveled man. Helping with the draft and will know the talent in those countries like the back of his busted hand.

He nose the direction this team should go.

Carlton the Bear

The General Manager is sometimes seen as a puppet to get the President or Owner’s desires to become a reality. So why not make the GM a literal puppet?

Masai Ujiri

Masai is God. What he has done with the Raptors during his reign is incredible. Turning a bunch of nothing assets into the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference is a feat like no other. He could turn this team into the team that every fan wants to see, with the same strategy of what made the Raptors great. We will basically become the Vegas Golden Knights with all of our previously underused/under-utilized players.

Running a NBA team and a NHL team at the same time has never been done before, but if anyone can do it, Masai can. Plus, he is already an employee of MLSE.

Masai Ujiri is the best General Manager Toronto has ever seen, so why not expand his role?

John Tavares

If we learned anything from the Lou Lamoriello era, it’s that cap circumvention is key for building a winning team. Now since there is no salary cap on executives in the NHL, we can make Tavares a player/GM and pay him as much money as MLSE can fill a Brinks truck with. Make Erik Karlsson the Head European Scout, P.K. Subban is our Communications Director, Connor McDavid books the team travel and hotels, and the Leafs will win every Cup for eternity. This is totally plausible of course.

You think Dubas is the only young GM that can wear glasses?

Ema Matthews

We have to make the best player to ever put on a Leafs jersey the happiest he can be. With his mother as GM, he will be able to stay here and be very cap compliant. Laundering money through Emat’s salary is the only way to make this team win of course. She will make history as the first female GM and will also fit in with the nepotism of the NHL. Ema will make Auston happy in the only way possible, by bringing in his old hockey buddies from back home. They will shower us with glee as they parade through the streets as they perform their now annual Stanley Cup Parade.

She is the fan that we need in the front office.

You

The Toronto Maple Leafs organization in recent history have always been the forethinkers in the hockey world. So why not go with no actual human General Manager, and leave it up to the fanbase to make the moves. MLSE can create a secure website that every fan can vote on every upcoming transaction. During the draft, they will have the same amount of time real-life NHL GMs have to choose the player to take. Wow!

This will surely work and no one valuable will ever get traded for a big and slow defenseman.

All of these options are extremely better than any other lame option like Kyle Dubas or Mark Hunter. Why even think about those guys as the next General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs?

The NHL is built for entertainment, but they have been lacking in that aspect since it was formed. Too many boring old white men in the front offices. Give me some youngblood or at least make whoever is in that position entertaining – please.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.