A Critical Analysis of the Best Hockey Tweet of All Time

 

Behold, the Greatest Tweet of All Time.

This gem comes from Mike Chambers, a person that is not only an accredited writer that covers the Avs, but is the Colorado chapter chair of the PWHA (the A stands for “An embarrassing group of people”).

At time of writing this post, the tweet is about an hour old, and already the Twittersphere is ablaze with questions and comments:

How does this guy have a job?

How is what he saying okay?

What’s the best part of his Tweet?

The last question is what I am going to solve right now. We are going to go line by line and figure this out. Together.

Boy, that escalated quickly. Mikey Chamby (since he can apparently show me hockey, he’s definitely been called this by a house league coach at some point) comes out real hot right out of the gate, going right after bloggers.

I do appreciate the manners (“please”), but I still can’t figure out what “I’ll show you hockey” means, which is kind of what I love about this. If I were to chirp to his face, is he going to show me up by skating really fast? Staring deep into my eyes as he stickhandles? Or will he just turn on a TV, flip to a game, and point at the screen and yell “this his hockey” like he’s in 300?

Buddy, I hate to break it to you, but right now you are chirping right back. On Twitter. At this point, I really don’t know what Mikey wants from me. I’d expect more clarity from an accredited writer.

Major tone change. This is getting kinda hot tbh.

We started out very aggressively, but now I’m starting to think we’re going to make a hockey-themed porno? Do I have that right?

[eyes emoji] yeah okay we’re definitely making a hockey-themed porno.

Whatever floats your boat man. It’s 2018, we don’t kink-shame.

Okay we’re back to committing ironies left, right, and centre. Can we all just agree that hiding behind the computer actually rules?

And don’t call me pal, buddy.

Wait, is this what this Tweet is about? Good conclusion, but does not connect to the hockey porn thing at all. Unless the “code” is worked into the plot somehow. I’m all about the plot.

I’ve decided that I don’t know what part of the Tweet is the best, but I do know that it’s the first time I’ve been okay with there being a 280 character limit. So for that Mikey Chambers, I thank you.

Also, Mikey, if you do want to make a hockey-themed porno, I’m totally in.