John Tavares Tweet Power Rankings

Going to be up-front with everyone who clicked on this link. This really isn’t anything more than what the title says. This is not one of those click-baity articles where the title claims one thing and the article turns out to be entirely another. No, I really did spend my time going through John Tavares’ Twitter and ranking the “best” content.

And yes, I do have a day job. That’s why I did this at night, at around 1:30 AM CST.

Before we dive into this, though, let’s take a quick look at John Tavares’ Twitter as a whole.

Tavares joined Twitter in July 2012, or at least he created this particular account then. If there’s another account out there that was created before he was 22 years old, then point me to it! I’ll also deep-analyze that! (Just kidding, please do not send me any Tavares burner accounts, abandoned or otherwise.)

In the six-plus years Tavares has been on twitter, he’s tweeted… 437 times. That’s not a ton, especially since that number includes retweets. At the time of writing this article, he follows just 78 accounts and has just 45 likes. (Most of these likes are inspirational quotes.) I think we can conclude, with the above evidence, that he’s just not overly active on Twitter, or on social media in general.

Some trends in his tweets — he is supportive of his teams and teammates, past and present. He loves his city, which is Toronto, just to be clear. He loves his lacrosse star uncle. Also, he’s not above saucing a retweet for causes or fundraisers he finds important.

Anyway, for my power rankings, I’m going to exclude straight retweets. Original tweets or quote tweets were considered eligible. Here we go!

This is John Tavares’ first tweet. I felt like it should crack the power rankings just based on that. I guess we have Oldest Strome to thank for Tavares joining Twitter. Also, in case you were wondering, this is the only tweet in the #HellooooEverybodyyy hashtag.

A weirdly specific subset of hockey player social media posts is “Blurry photo of mini-sticks with children in somebody’s basement.” I’m very fond of this subset, so I guess this makes the cut. I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got, folks. John Tavares isn’t exactly spicy on social media.

Short. Simple. To the point. The only thing that could make this more Hockey(TM) is if he’d said #Ploffs instead. He’ll get a second chance at it this year, maybe he’ll improve upon this already-solid tweet formula.

The use of hashtags here? Masterful. Not from like, a practical standpoint. But from a “Are you sure you want to use them like that?” standpoint. Also, of course John Tavares is on the zucchini pasta train.

Additionally, we should all strive to tack on “hummin” to places we like. “Just got back from a hummin’ coffee shop.” -Me, tomorrow.

*nervous laughter*

*Narrator voice* He was not, indeed, back in 2018.

But that’s not Johnny T’s fault, and in any case, he still has that #GoldBaby.

Are you really a hockey player until you post a photo of some tragic dental incident along with the hashtag #InOne?

Look, I know. He’s wearing a black shirt and holding a black dog in unideal lighting. But still, it’s John Tavares holding a rescue puppy.

I remember staring at those iPhone notes he posted in two separate tweets instead of just one and thinking “No way, no way,” and then suddenly, YES WAY.