my column: december 1

Hi and welcome to my column – the only column that is mine.

What a boring week in Leafland. Playing two games and leaving with a loss and a win is like buying a $2 scratch ticket and winning $2 just to spend it on another $2 scratch ticket and not winning anything. But don’t worry – there are still lots of narratives to create.

People have called him Tyler Nozak his whole life, but I call him Tyler Yeszak always. As I have said all along he is a #1 centre and finally people are catching on. I don’t care that he is a bad player at even-strength. Even-strength is called that for a reason. It is for normal players that are all very comparable, while players like Tyler do better at things that include words like “power”, “kill”, and “shoot” because they are superior-strength players. And you know what is crazy about Tyler Bozak? He is still so young and has yet to reach his potential.

On the other hand, 2nd-3rd line centre Nazem Kadri still continues to do nothing even though he is being put with top tier linemates such as Mike Santorelli. Should of taken Jared Cowen.

What is good is that because we have a #1 centre we don’t have to trade for one and the cost is high – for example Jason Spezza cost a lot, I am glad the Leafs stayed away from that. But we do need to acquire a #2 centre – I suggest offering a 1st for Antoine Vermette yesterday but I’m just a guy writing this column.

Another thing I have been saying for years is that Cody Franson is the best defenceman on the team. I don’t care that he looks like a transport truck three point turning when he transitions, he is good. You know whose slowness I do care about? David S. Nonis (the s stands for slow). Because of him playing hardball instead of moneyball we will now have to pay Cody Franson a lot of money for a lot of time or trade him to Philadelphia.

The D as a whole has shown some good leadership, especially from Stephane Robidas. While I like his leadership, I do wonder if he can still actually play hockey. Watching him I can’t help but wonder if he broke a limb once or twice. He is bad. 

If you read the news you saw that Nick Ritchie has been disciplined by the Peterborough Petes for egging a car. But what you didn’t read is that some of that egg got on Don Cherry’s face.

This story is very surprising to me. Canadian boys are known for their politeness and wearing ties and for their ability to not egg cars. I expected something like this out of William Bad Attitude Nylander because he is from a country that is not mine. I have had people mention that he was actually born in Canada. Yeah ok let me see his birth certificate. Obama 2.0 in my opinion. 

In the game against Washington, Not Sidney Crosby hit Leo Komarov dangerously. I didn’t understand this because Russians don’t hit and I thought all Russians were communists that were in a secret NKHL society like some weird oppressive hippie cult. I’ll have my freedom and capitalism thank you don’t let the door hit you on the way out, please come again if you’re willing to spend money.

Ok so Leo is actually from Finland, which of the two of them makes sense because on Saturday Ovechkin had no Finnish. 

I don’t know if you’ve heard or read about this but Leo Komarov is actually very interesting. He speaks many different languages, can play the piano really well, and is loved by his teammates. Which basically makes him Canadian if you ask me.

Goodbye.