my column: december 15

Hey guys welcome to my column, the only column that is mine.

Lots to talk about right now so let’s do it. 

I’m coming in hot on this one guys. Don’t even get me started on this story. I have never been so disappointed in an athlete – and of all the athletes, it had to be a Toronto Maple Leaf. I’m embarrassed.

Jonathan Bernier makes millions of dollars a year. He has a social responsibility to show to young children that idolize him that social issues are important. Plus, he’s good looking. He has nice hair. He’s 26. He seems like he is educated. He is also a human being, and when you are a human being, you should know who important historical figures are and why they are important. Especially when the person you are talking about put others above himself and showed total selflessness to help others.

I’m sorry guys, I’m just really upset about this. I keep asking myself HOW?? HOW doesn’t Jonathan Bernier know who the host of Deal or No Deal is??

Hey remember when I really liked the Dallas Stars coming into this season and thought they were going to be great? Me neither. It never happened. Which is good, because they have scored 85 goals and allowed 103 against. On the other hand, the Leafs have scored 103 goals and allowed 85. They are literally the complete opposites. 

Let’s explore that further. Other ways in which they are opposites:

But there is also one big similarity:

Jim Nill. Dave Nonis.

Really makes you think.

There has been a lot of talk about Wendel Clarkson and how he is “overpaid” ever since he got here. I think that is unfair. He is a professional athlete and if I know anything, it is that professional athletes are not overpaid. 

But for sake of argument, let’s look at his comparable$: David Krejci, and James Neal. That’s an ok list, but I’d still take David Clarkson over any of them. I have never seen any of those guys show that they have the backs of their teammates. I have read Twitter and have seen that James Neal is a bad teammate, and David Krejci is a Euro.

With that in mind, I think it’s unfair that David’s contributions are largely intangible and thus not able to be measured. So I created Heimlich%, which does measure how much an NHL player is a true team player, which is the essence of playing on a team. Unlike other egotistical ~fancy stats~, I didn’t name Heimlich% after myself, I named it after an act of saving someone’s life. That’s true teamwork. 

The factors in the formula include:

I haven’t fully flushed out the formula yet, but David Clarkson gets 100%.

#FancyStats

Until next time,