The Newskoka Five. #mycolumn:

It was seven years ago when the Leafs had The Muskoka Five. Five veteran Leafs that were entitled and bad in the room. 

Sound familiar? It should, because the same thing is happening now. Five players currently responsible for this disastrous Leafs team because of how they are bad in the room, bad with media, and bad with winning. Only instead of cottaging up north, they all reside in a cottage of losing and entitlement. 

I dub them The Newskoka Five.

This one is obvious. His late for practice shenanigans are literally the worst thing I have ever seen as a journalist or person. It shows a complete disregard for his teammates, coaches, fans, or family. All he thinks about is himself. You know how many times I want to sleep an extra 20 minutes? Every day. How many times do I do it? Only occasionally. 

The worst part was how he only apologized after the media put pressure on him to do so. And it is apparent that he wouldn’t have felt sorry otherwise. In fact, I don’t think he even did feel sorry and that fact is supported by a body language reader I know.

All I know is if Wendel Clark was still captain this wouldn’t have happened.

And this is just one off-ice incident. Kadri has been fat at times, shows very little drive on the ice, and – I have let him off the hook for this one before, but not now – he can’t even win a faceoff. 

Jake Gardiner is the Nazem Kadri of defenseman. He shows a complete lack of care on the ice. I literally only notice him making mistakes and as a media of the mainstream media I can’t have bias so it must be true.

And fancy statters can cry all they want, but he is a -22 which is ironic because like Toronto’s winters he has stayed cold for way too long and I am sick of him.

This is a defenseman that was supposed to be good at offense, and now can barely crack 20 points. Can’t have him teaching Morgan Rielly that that’s okay.

All these two seem to care about is their hair. The only things I want players to care about conditioning is their bodies. 

It’s absolutely crazy that two Newskoka Five members are centremen, but here we are. 

Peter Holland doesn’t have a huge track record, but he was one incident that made him bad in the room, and that is when he got lacebite. Lace bite is a wimpy injury, and he put himself above the team and didn’t gut it out. This is hockey. You’re supposed to be tough. But no, he had to sit out for almost a month with it. 

Is this the kind of guy I want to be a part of the Leafs rebuild? Teaching young prospects that sitting out because you’re hurt is okay?

He’s fat.

As you can see, there is a major culture issue with the Toronto Maple Leafs. Players are fat, lazy wimps that only care about themselves. It’s a good thing no top Leafs prospects have really good hair. 

Also, you may have been surprised that I didn’t mention Dion Phaneuf. I will admit, I considered it because he has been a pylon for awhile. But in the last few games he has laid a couple big hits so he’s off the hook for now.