Weekend Roundtable: Who’s Your Space Jam Squad?

6 years ago

It’s that time of the summer, where hockey is just around the corner, and the bloggers are all out of content. So, this question was brought up: If there was a Space Jam style hockey game, who would you select to be the Monstars?

It’s pretty simple: one goalie, one left defenseman, one right defenseman, one left wing, one right wing, one centre. It’s an all-time squad, so we have any player over the course of 100 years to choose from.

If you were to do Space Jam for hockey, which players would you select to be the Monstars and why?

Jon Steitzer

Goaltender: I’m assuming all these players are going to become exaggerated, cartoonish versions of themselves, so with that in mind I will go with the very round, very rolly polly Martin Brodeur in net.

Left Defense: Zdeno Chara looks like Monstar version of Shawn Bradley from the film, so he’s an easy choice here.

Right Defense: Brent Burns is an uninspired choice, but his cartoonish nature makes him a fit.

Left Wing: Alex Ovechkin, because I think he wants to win an intergalatic pickup game more than a Cup.

Center: I’m gonna assume that Jim Hughson is picking the Monstars and as such they’ll need a really good faceoff guy, so welcome onboard, Ryan O’Reilly

Right Wing: Patrick Kane since he is in fact a monster.

Bobby Cappucino

The Monstars were known as big brutes who would intimidate you. So that’s how I chose my team.

G – Billy Smith. Billy Smith has the record for most goalie fights, with 20. Meaning if he doesn’t make a save against you, you’re likely going to get facepunched. The Monstars were all about intimidation, so Smith fits the bill.

D – Marty McSorley. He slashed Donald Brashear – who was also very tough – in the face.

D – Zdeno Chara. Physical, yes, but the reason I’m choosing prime-era Chara is because he was dominant. A canon of a slapshot, reach that made it nearly impossible to create offense against him, and a mean streak.

F – Todd Bertuzzi. I mean…

F – Mike Danton. If you beat this team, you have to worry that a hitman is going to be sent after you.

F – Wayne Gretzky. The Great One’s skill is intimidating enough on its own, let alone while the rest of this team is already physically and mentally intimidating you.

Scott Maxwell

The Monstars were formed by stealing the best talent in the sport. Despite their size, they were also skilled, so that should be their approach again.

Goaltender- Dominik Hasek: His style is so unpredictable, he’s a freak, perfect for a team of cartoon monsters.

Left Defense- Bobby Orr: You gotta have a play driving defenseman in your lineup, so what better than the guy who invented the term.

Right Defense- Nicklas Lidstrom: Intimidated by no one, Lidstrom will easily take care of any scoring chances, especially with his new found size.

Left Wing- Alex Ovechkin: The best goal scorer in the league, Ovi will scare with his deadly shot (which will actually kill people in Looney Toon land).

Center- Wayne Gretzky: How many goals will he score off of Looney Toon’s butts?

Right Wing- Jaromir Jagr: In his prime, Jagr was one of the best, and if the game goes on for 20 years, Jagr will still be able to play.