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6 Things About New England That Suck, Besides the Bruins

Tonight, Toronto Maple Leafs head into Boston, Massachusetts tonight to take on their beloved bruins. Leafs Nation is well aware of how much the Boston Bruins suck, and when we beat them in the playoffs, this will become abundantly clear to the rest of NHL fans.

There are many other things that suck about Boston and the New England area, besides the Bruins, and it seems prudent to bring those things to the attention of the Toronto fan base.

Tom Brady

People claim that Tom Brady is the greatest football player of all time. However, being surrounded by a team managed by Bill Belichick has its advantages

When Peyton Manning had a season ending injury, his Indianapolis Colts went a dismal 2-14. When the same thing happened to Tom Brady, his team went 11-5 and made the playoffs.

Also, Tom Brady is a Donald Trump supporter, so if you needed any additional reason to dislike him beyond football, being a fan of President Orange should be enough.

New England Clam Chowder

Clam Chowder, otherwise known as “hot ocean milk with dead crustaceans in it”, is an area delicacy to New Englanders alike… for some reason. This hot soup made by people who couldn’t afford oysters is generally disgusting and should be avoided at all costs.

Mark and Donnie Wahlberg

The fact that Mark Wahlberg replaced Shia Labeouf in Transformers is a disgrace that should stain the Wahlberg name forever, but we need not stop there.

We can add that Donnie Wahlberg is married to infamous anti-vaccination supporter Jenny McCarthy, who by vocalizing her belief in a falsified research study has probably cost hundreds of lives due to completely preventable diseases such as polio and measles.

There’s also the fact that Mark Wahlberg had a penchant for attacking people over their race when he was a teenager.

Baked Beans

Perhaps you’re unaware, but the city of Boston has a major association with baked beans. It’s a Boston delicacy, apparently, moreso than clam chowder in some people’s eyes. Why a city would fall in love with oversweetened mush is beyond me. Also, maybe the love for baked beans is why the city smells like flatulence.

The Accent

Oh my god, the accent. If you ever wanted to know what it sounds like to have a cheese grater shoved in your ear, all you have to do is talk to someone from Bawstuhn.

In true “The Worst Person You Know Just Made a Great Point” fashion, a quote from disgraced comedian Louis C.K. stands out here:

It’s not an accent. It’s a whole city of people saying most words wrong.

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