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Reasons why you shouldn’t cheer for the remaining playoff teams

It’s been almost two days since the Leafs were eliminated from the playoffs, and you know what, I’m not any happier about it. Why should I be? This was such a good year for the Leafs to go far, considering how deep their team was, but it was ruined. Whether you think it’s the guys on the bench, the ones behind it, or the guy in the press box (I’ll leave it up to you to guess if I mean Dubas or Kadri), it doesn’t matter, it was still ruined.

Another reason it feels like a lost opportunity is because the remaining eight teams suck. The Leafs were easily the best team remaining if they didn’t eliminate themselves. Tampa Bay proved that that still might not matter, but they were still very close.

So, with the Leafs post season run at a close, you might be wondering who you should support for the remainder of the postseason, and I’m here to tell you why you shouldn’t even give other teams the thought of your support.

Boston Bruins

This is a super easy one. Sure, you could argue that losing to the Cup champs is a moral victory, but honestly, that would be worse considering how close the Leafs were this year.

And besides, the city of Boston DOES NOT need another championship. Hell, that crying kid from Game 5 has probably been alive for at least five Boston championships. The city of Boston doesn’t need another championship in my lifetime, never mind people who were around during the Celtics dynasty and earlier Bruins Cup wins.

To put it simply, Buck Foston, that’s why you don’t need to cheer for them.

Columbus Blue Jackets

The only reasons you should cheer for Columbus is because they’re playing Boston, and because they were nice enough to take David Clarkson’s contract off our hands.

After that, nothing would be cooler to see then them go all in, lose in the second round, lose Panarin, Bobrovsky, and Duchene, walk into the draft with a 3rd and a 7th, and still be satisfied with a first round victory. Good job, you ruined your franchise’s future, but hey, at least you were the last team of 31 to win a playoff series. Even an expansion team beat you to the punch.

New York Islanders

Hoooooo booooooy, where do I begin?

Oh I know where. Their fans suck. Might be the worst in the league. And that’s coming from Leafs fan. Yeah, sure, we always tear each other to bits, but at least we sell out games when we’re good. The only time Isles fans showed up was so that they could cry over the fact that their franchise center actually made a smart decision for once in his life and decided he wanted to play for a competent team.

BuT tHeY mAdE iT fArThEr ThAn ThE lEaFs

The Leafs would already be in the Conference Finals if they had the easy competition that the Isles are about to have in their quarter of the bracket. And besides, the only reason they’ve made it this far is because Robin Lehner is so much of a Trump fan he built a wall in the Isles net this season.

Carolina Hurricanes

Yeah, I got nothing on these guys, they’re a loveable bunch of jerks.

Dallas Stars

Any team stupid enough to think Roman Polak is a competent defenseman doesn’t deserve to win a Cup, let’s be honest. Not just that, but they even traded away Connor Carrick. Are these guys trying to attract Mike Babcock over to work with them, because you guys can have him. But why would you, when you’re brand new coach actually knows how to win a playoff series.

Not to mention some of their players Twitter history. I mean, considering that their captain doesn’t know how to go down, it makes sense that the team doesn’t know how to go down in the playoffs. And are we just gonna forget what Seguin tweeted when he first showed up in Dallas?

St. Louis Blues

Speaking of terrible tweets, the only reason these guys aren’t still contending for the lottery is because of a goalie that has some very interesting opinions on burkas and cab drivers. Don’t give me the “he was young” lecture, he was 19 and 21 when he tweeted those. I feel like if you’re old enough to purchase alcohol in Canada, you should at least have some understanding of the concept of racism.

Speaking of purchasing alcohol in Canada, my favourite Tim Hortons’ has a bone to pick with you Ryan.

Colorado Avalanche

Why Mikko Rantanen, why? Why did you have to slow down enough to let Marner pass you in points? You were supposed to sign a reasonable $7-8 million deal, and then that was the ceiling for Marner’s contract. Can’t you just help out our cap situation for once in your life?

San Jose Sharks

Honestly, this is Carolina East for me. They finally got Karlsson out of Ottawa so now I can feel morally just for cheering for him. Joe Thornton is on his last breath for a chance with a Cup. They even did us a favour by letting Vegas join us as teams to blow a three goal lead in Game 7.

Like, Evander Kane is a POS, but with everything that’s happened with him recently, I don’t feel like really poking him right now. I guess it’d be funny to see Martin Jones keep sucking. Yeah, I’ll go with that.