The Best Jersey Sponsor for Every NHL Team #MyColumn
8 years ago
With ads on jerseys becoming an inevitability, worries about sponsor logos on sacred NHL jerseys is at fever pitch. The thing is, people aren’t thinking about this correctly – proper sponsorships won’t even be noticeable.
Don’t believe me? I thought you might feel that way, so I came up with suggestions for each team for who their sponsor should be and why. I think that after reading this, you’ll see that you were wrong and that sponsorships are good.
Anaheim Ducks
Recommended Sponsor: 1-800-GOT-JUNK
Why: Corey Perry and Ryan Kesler are trash people.
Arizona Coyotes
Recommended Sponsor: General Motors
Why: Who knows more about being bailed out than General Motors?
Boston Bruins
Recommended Sponsor: Barstool Sports
Why: Barstool’s slogan is “By the common man, for the common man”.
Buffalo Sabres
Recommended Sponsor: Hallmark
Why: Buffalo’s fans need to know how sorry Tim Murray is.
Calgary Flames
Recommended Sponsor: Rexall
Why: Daryl Katz wants to finally back a winner.
Carolina Hurricanes
Recommended Sponsor: Seagate
Why: Carolina is going to be relying on a couple backups this season.
Chicago Blackhawks
Recommended Sponsor: SellOffVacations.com
Why:
With how much the Hawks have had to sell off players, they might
actually be a better sponsor for SellOffVacations.com than vice versa.
With how much the Hawks have had to sell off players, they might
actually be a better sponsor for SellOffVacations.com than vice versa.
Colorado Avalanche
Recommended Sponsor: U.S. Army
Why: It will help confuse fans into thinking that they have a defense.
Columbus Blue Jackets
Recommended Sponsor: Mr. Clean Magic Eraser
Why:
One look at their salary cap breakdown for the next few seasons will
have the Jackets turning to who knows best about making things magically disappear.
One look at their salary cap breakdown for the next few seasons will
have the Jackets turning to who knows best about making things magically disappear.
Dallas Stars
Recommended Sponsor: Outback Steakhouse
Why: Just imagine Jamie Benn in a commercial for Outback: “It tastes good down under.”
Detroit Red Wings
Recommended Sponsor: PETA
Why: This would be a proactive move by the Wings
to ensure people that they treat those octopuses that are cruelly
thrown on the ice very well.
to ensure people that they treat those octopuses that are cruelly
thrown on the ice very well.
Edmonton Oilers
Recommended Sponsor: Lottery Canada
Why:
Edmonton is a team built on luck. Unlike people that win the lottery,
they’ve managed to win it four times. And like a lot of people that win the
lottery, they’ve totally blown it.
Edmonton is a team built on luck. Unlike people that win the lottery,
they’ve managed to win it four times. And like a lot of people that win the
lottery, they’ve totally blown it.
Florida Panthers
Recommended Sponsor: Every Other Sports Team In Florida, Other than the Tampa Bay Lightning
Why: The fans the Panthers have are only interested because every other sports team in Florida is terrible.
Los Angeles Kings
Recommended Sponsor: Bad Boys Bail Bonds
Why:
What they would pay the Kings in sponsorship dollars, they’d make back
from the Kings by just continuing to do what they already do. Works for
both sides.
What they would pay the Kings in sponsorship dollars, they’d make back
from the Kings by just continuing to do what they already do. Works for
both sides.
Minnesota Wild
Recommended Sponsor: Enron
Why: No one else knows more about paying a couple employees hundreds of millions of dollars and having nothing to show for it.
Montreal Canadiens
Recommended Sponsor: French’s Mustard
Why:
The name creates an obvious connection, plus the Habs are a bunch of
wieners. Sorry, whiners. Also, an added bonus: yellow looks
terrible on their jerseys.
The name creates an obvious connection, plus the Habs are a bunch of
wieners. Sorry, whiners. Also, an added bonus: yellow looks
terrible on their jerseys.
Nashville Predators
Recommended Sponsor: The NRA
Why:
Guns are now allowed at Predators games. The NRA is probably sponsoring
them already – there’s no other way this insanity would happen, is
there?
Guns are now allowed at Predators games. The NRA is probably sponsoring
them already – there’s no other way this insanity would happen, is
there?
New Jersey Devils
Recommended Sponsor: Sleep Country Canada
Why: It would give Sleep Country a brand new tagline – Sleeping: more excitement than watching the Devils.
New York Islanders
Recommended Sponsor: Hertz
Why: Like Hertz, the Islanders know that no matter how hard they try, they’ll always be number two in New York.
New York Rangers
Recommended Sponsor: Donald Trump.
Why: America’s team deserves America’s next President.
Philadelphia Flyers
Recommended Sponsor: Duracell
Why: We all know how much fans in Philadelphia love to throw batteries.
Pittsburgh Penguins
Recommended Sponsor: Schneider’s
Why: If the Penguins don’t get a hot dog sponsor, they’re going to lose money trying to meet Phil’s demands.
Ottawa Senators
Recommended Sponsor: The Toronto Maple Leafs
Why: The Leafs are already responsible for most of the money Melnyk makes.
San Jose Sharks
Recommended Sponsor: Captain Morgan
Why: Finally, San Jose has a real captain.
St Louis Blues
Recommended Sponsor: Fleshlight
Why: The Blues are experts on screwing themselves.
Tampa Bay Lightning
Recommended Sponsor: Rogers and Bell
Why: Might as well get Stamkos used to it for next year.
Toronto Maple Leafs
Recommended Sponsor: Microsoft Excel
Why: No other team has been built on spreadsheets quite like the Leafs.
Bonus: MLSE and Microsoft are the only multibillion dollar companies that have produced as many failures as they have and stayed multibillion dollar companies.
Vancouver Canucks
Recommended Sponsor: Instagram
Why:
Canucks fans are all to familiar what it’s like to take a trip down memory lane when
pining over your ex after dumping him/her for a new person who seemed a lot better at first but turned out to be crazy. In fact, they’re probably
doing it right now.
Canucks fans are all to familiar what it’s like to take a trip down memory lane when
pining over your ex after dumping him/her for a new person who seemed a lot better at first but turned out to be crazy. In fact, they’re probably
doing it right now.
Washington Capitals
Recommended Sponsor: Russia
Why: This would help heal the relationship between America’s capital and Russia. Also, Alex Ovechkin.
Winnipeg Jets
Recommended Sponsor: 7-11.
Why: Because like 7-11, you only go to a Jets game because you’re drunk, stuck, and it’s your last resort. Oh and this.
Conclusion
It’s 2015: It’s time for oldtimers to embrace a changing game and accept that jersey sponsorships are going to happen. And as you can see, jersey sponsors are a win-win for the league and fans, but most importantly, the brands.
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