Yeah, yeah, the Leafs are taking on the Buffalo Sabres in the first of what will inevitably become the most depressing four-game regular season stretch in NHL history. But, that’s not what matters.

Matt Martin’s back tonight, babyyyyy.

Are you excited to watch him play 9 even strength minutes, throw precisely one hit on a Sabres 4th liner behind the play, and make Kasperi Kapanen look like he’s travelling at lightspeed by comparison?

I know I am!

The funniest thing about Martin’s first game back since being a healthy scratch for the previous 18 is that he’s still a better hockey player than 3/4 of Buffalo’s lineup.

And with that said, let’s tee up tonight’s “game”.

I……..don’t hate these.

No Polak? Ok, I REALLY don’t hate these.

The sheer disrespect.

By icing this lineup, the Leafs are essentially telling Buffalo that they aren’t worthy of their best efforts.

“This is the perfect game to slide Martin back in. I mean, it’s only Buffalo!”

This lineup should be illegal. Those are all made up names. There’s no way an NHL team should be legally allowed to ice a combination of forwards that barren of talent.

And yet, in the midst of Buffalo’s offensive black hole, Kyle Okposo finds himself on the 4th line. Yes, that’s the same Kyle Okposo who’s locked in to make $6 million a year until 2023.

God, I love Buffalo.

Brendan Guhle sounds like the nickname a Simpsons writer gave himself for the credits of a Treehouse of Horror episode.

Again, no way that’s a real person.

As expected, Freddie Andersen gets the nod for the Leafs, hoping to rebound from getting the hook for the first time all season on Saturday. And there’s no better team to face for a redemption game than the Sabres.

At the other end, Chad Johnson and his .896 save percentage is set to perform his best “Milhouse strapped to the net” impression for Buffalo tonight.

Every Sabres goalie of the last five years could successfully sue the team for emotional damages. I mean, just look at the blueline.

In all seriousness, tonight is shaping up to become the perfect encapsulation of a trap game. The Leafs are a whopping 37(!) points up on Buffalo in the standings, and they’re taking on an already putrid Sabres squad that’s missing Jack Eichel.

You better believe Johnson is due for a 50-save overtime shutout, giving half the GTA an aneurysm. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.

The good news is, after tonight, we get to do this dance all over again 3 more times. Way to go, schedule makers! Keep killin’ it.

The puck drops at 7:30.