I have nothing to say here. This team isn’t worth the virtual ink.

Let’s just get this over with.

                                                                    Chart by Corsica.Hockey 

The possession game was actually pretty even up until the end.

That slight dip towards the game’s final moment was likely due to Roman Polak Yakety Sax-ing around his own end for two straight minutes. That’s fun, right?

Look, I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but how he continues to draw into this lineup on a nightly basis is completely beyond me.

Ugh, this team stinks.

What a boring period.

Ok, that’s not fair. I guess there was some entertainment to be had. I mean, Zach Hyman went full Dennis the Menace on Jakob Voracheck, which was hilarious.

Aside from that brief ray of sunshine, it was nothing other than the typical mind-numbing “playoff style” hockey that seemingly arouses Mike Babcock.

Isn’t it funny how Babs is getting the Leafs to play this “playoff style” hockey specifically so they’ll be able to win tight games when they matter, and yet ever since this whole experiment started all they’ve been doing is blowing said games?

This is fun. I’m having fun.

Thanks to a wonderful blunder by the Ghost Bear, Connor Brown scored his second breakaway goal in as many nights. The Leafs are up 1-0! Hooray!

Hmmm. Brown sure does seem to score a ton of breakaway goals. I wonder why we haven’t ever seen him in the shootout?

Well, Babcock is clearly an all-powerful deity to whom we should blindly pledge our eternal souls, so there’s no real point in asking him. He might get mad at us!

Anyway, after a nifty set up by Noted Fourth Liner William Nylander™, the Leafs extended their lead to 2-0. And who, perchance, scored the goal?

That would be FREDDY THE GOAT, BABY WOOOOOO!!

Alas, as if Leafs fans hadn’t been through enough lately, Morgan Rielly proceeded to go down in a heap as the second period inched towards its end. Funnily enough, today actually marked the one year anniversary of Rielly’s ankle injury which sidelined him for over two weeks from last season.

Aren’t anniversaries great?

Spoiler alert: he ended up playing the third period, thus preventing a GTA spike in cardiac-related ailments.

And so, as is routine lately, the Leafs entered the third period clinging to the lead. There’s no way they’d screw it up this time, right?

This frickin’ team, man.

And a few minutes later, while ON A POWER PLAY, they give up another one to Wayne Simmons. Just like that, it’s a tie game.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I never became a Leafs fan. I wonder how much healthier, both mentally and physically, I’d be. How much free time I’d have. Life would be nothing but carefree bliss, lacking all of this “heart-wrenching disappointment” nonsense.

A guy can dream.

So again, as is tradition, the opposing goaltender decided to transform into Georges Vezina himself immediately upon facing the Leafs,

Michael Neuvirth, a thoroughly sub-par goaltender for the entirety his career up until tonight, put on a clinic. In fact, I still don’t believe it was actually him at all.

Halfway through the game, I was half expecting for the camera to cut to the planet Ahch-To, showing Neuvirth to be levitating over a rock, force projecting himself across the galaxy Luke Skywalker-style.

There’s really no other way to explain a save like this.

And so, the Leafs, for the 6th time in their last 7 games, limped into overtime after blowing a third period lead.

Did I mention I’m having fun? This is fun.

Life is pain.

Despite finally using his brain and starting literally ANYONE other than Leo Komarov in overtime, the Leafs found a way to complete their choke job. They’ve practically made it into an art form by now.

Moral of the story: lower your expectations, kids.

This has begun to turn from relatively concerning into straight-up insanity.

No other team in the entire NHL chokes away games at this pace and with such consistency. Something within the fabric of this Leafs team is broken. And it needs to get fixed, fast.

Actually, you know what? No. It doesn’t need to get fixed.

MLSE isn’t paying Mike Babcock the GDP of a small nation to fart out lineups like tonights. The Leafs have been held to under 3 regulation goals in every game since New Year’s, and Babs continues to shackle Josh Leivo to the press box, and Kasperi Kapanen to the AHL.

Enough is enough.

If tonight’s embarrassment doesn’t spark some serious change, we have some problems ahead of us, folks. I shouldn’t have to say this, but letting Roman Polak do stuff like this all game while neglecting to utilize the bountiful talent at your immediate disposal should be a criminal offence.

Mike, do something. For the love of God.

This explains everything.

Aren’t numbers fun?!

Some hard-hitting analysis from Sean here.

I mean…he’s not wrong.

Next up is the Ottawa Senators on Hockey Night in Canada, which will almost certainly end in disappointment.

At least Travis Dermott will have a great view of his team blowing yet another third period lead from the press box, right? There’s always a silver lining.