Mitch Marner will never survive the NHL
Yesterday, Mitch Marner capped off one of the single greatest seasons in the history of junior hockey. He finished second in OHL scoring, won the league MVP award, dominated the playoffs, won that MVP, dominated the Memorial Cup, won that MVP, and won the CHL MVP award to top it all off.
He’s the third player in history to sweep all of the MVP awards, the second youngest to do so, and the first to do it in 16 years. At times, he looked like he was using the games as practices, defeating his opponents at 80, 70, 60% intensity because anything further would have been embarrassing.
But it won’t last. At 5’11, Mitch Marner is too small to play in the NHL.
It’s been said by many and I’m going to repeat the sentiment. The NHL is a big boy’s league that is dominated by big, tough, character players who will defend the honour of their teammates by brutally destroying anybody surrounding them. Marner’s height, something he’s been picked on for by hockey eyes since he was in kindergarten, strongly correlates with having a career ending injury in his second or third shift. The numbers don’t lie:
Player | GP | G | A | PTS | Height |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
Marcel Dionne | 1348 | 731 | 1040 | 1771 | 5’9 |
Steve Yzerman | 1514 | 692 | 1063 | 1755 | 5’10 |
Joe Sakic | 1378 | 625 | 1016 | 1641 | 5’11 |
Mark Recchi | 1652 | 577 | 956 | 1533 | 5’10 |
Stan Mikita | 1394 | 541 | 926 | 1467 | 5’9 |
Brian Trottier | 1279 | 524 | 901 | 1425 | 5’11 |
Adam Oates | 1337 | 341 | 1079 | 1420 | 5’11 |
Doug Gilmour | 1474 | 450 | 964 | 1414 | 5’11 |
Dale Hawerchuk | 1188 | 518 | 891 | 1409 | 5’11 |
Brett Hull | 1269 | 741 | 650 | 1391 | 5’11 |
Denis Savard | 1196 | 473 | 865 | 1338 | 5’10 |
Norm Ullman | 1410 | 490 | 739 | 1229 | 5’10 |
Dino Ciccarelli | 1232 | 608 | 592 | 1200 | 5’10 |
Bobby Hull | 1063 | 610 | 560 | 1170 | 5’10 |
Daniel Alfredsson | 1246 | 444 | 713 | 1157 | 5’11 |
Theo Fleury | 1084 | 455 | 633 | 1088 | 5’6 |
Ray Whitney | 1330 | 385 | 679 | 1064 | 5’10 |
Joe Mullen | 1062 | 502 | 561 | 1063 | 5’9 |
Pat Verbeek | 1424 | 522 | 541 | 1063 | 5’9 |
Henri Richard | 1256 | 358 | 688 | 1046 | 5’7 |
Doug Weight | 1238 | 278 | 755 | 1033 | 5’11 |
Martin St. Louis | 1134 | 391 | 642 | 1033 | 5’8 |
Brian Bellows | 1188 | 485 | 537 | 1022 | 5’11 |
Dale Hunter | 1407 | 323 | 697 | 1020 | 5’10 |
Pat Lafontaine | 865 | 468 | 545 | 1013 | 5’10 |
Steve Larmer | 1006 | 441 | 571 | 1012 | 5’11 |
Brian Propp | 1016 | 425 | 579 | 1004 | 5’10 |
Wait. Those must be the wrong numbers. I don’t know how I managed to crunch them so poorly. No worries, though; we play in the present, not the past. A land where anybody who can’t dunk a basketball is banned from entry. I dare you to find me a single top six forward in the league this year that stoops as low as Marner does, let alone shorter.
Player | GP | G | A | PTS | Height |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
Patrick Kane | 82 | 46 | 60 | 106 | 5’11 |
Sidney Crosby | 80 | 36 | 49 | 85 | 5’11 |
Joe Pavelski | 82 | 38 | 40 | 78 | 5’11 |
Johnny Gaudreau | 79 | 30 | 48 | 78 | 5’9 |
Artemi Panarin | 80 | 30 | 47 | 77 | 5’11 |
Claude Giroux | 78 | 22 | 45 | 67 | 5’11 |
Nikita Kucherov | 77 | 30 | 36 | 66 | 5’11 |
Brad Marchand | 77 | 37 | 24 | 61 | 5’9 |
Mats Zuccarello | 81 | 26 | 35 | 61 | 5’7 |
Jussi Jokinen | 80 | 18 | 42 | 60 | 5’11 |
Matt Duchene | 76 | 30 | 29 | 59 | 5’11 |
Kyle Palmieri | 82 | 30 | 27 | 57 | 5’10 |
Tomas Plekanec | 82 | 14 | 40 | 54 | 5’11 |
Zach Parise | 70 | 25 | 28 | 53 | 5’11 |
Vincent Trochek | 76 | 25 | 28 | 53 | 5’10 |
Alexander Steen | 67 | 17 | 35 | 52 | 5’11 |
Max Domi | 81 | 21 | 31 | 52 | 5’10 |
Jeff Skinner | 82 | 28 | 23 | 51 | 5’11 |
Patric Hornqvist | 82 | 22 | 29 | 51 | 5’11 |
TJ Oshie | 80 | 26 | 25 | 51 | 5’11 |
Lee Stempniak | 82 | 19 | 32 | 51 | 5’11 |
Pavel Datsyuk | 66 | 16 | 33 | 49 | 5’11 |
Ryan Spooner | 80 | 13 | 36 | 49 | 5’10 |
Jordan Eberle | 69 | 25 | 22 | 47 | 5’11 |
Yeah, well, he’s still going to have to put on weight. Something about an NHL summer, or whatever. How can we expect him to keep up his ~58 point NHLe from this year if he can’t bench a small car?
Whatever, man. Should’ve picked Laine.
Recommended Reading
- “Mitch Marner should be in the NHL next season”
- “Mitch Marner wins Memorial Cup MVP, sweeps the silverware”
- “CHL fails miserably in attempt to make tournament tough enough to stop Mitch Marner”
- “Is Mitch Marner NHL ready?”
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